Beyond the Breaking Point
by Pensulliwen
Summary: Cross told him that he would kill someone he loved. Perhaps even then, Allen had known. Unable to control the 14th’s influence and faced with execution, will he resign himself to his fate, or run? Could he survive being hunted by both the Earl and Order?
1. Prologue

Spoilers: All the way through chapter 186, and AU from then on.

Rating: May go up in future chapters.

**Beyond the Breaking Point**

**By Allegra**

_Prologue_

Allen Walker sat in the middle of a cold, grey room; shoulders hunched, he stared at the ground. Four cloaked figures surrounded him, each standing a few inches away from the chair that he was bound to. Completely covered by ornate robes and masks, the elite assassin force known as Crow had been called in from Central for the second time that year to guard him. Allen winced as he shifted, the guards matching his movement. The binding on his left arm was incredibly heavy, dragging the rest of his body as close to the ground as it could manage, given his constraints. Across from him sat the council, separated from Allen by a long table. They were the highest members of the Order, reporting directly to the Pope. They chattered quietly amongst themselves, seemingly deliberating over his heresy, the 14th Noah, and his punishment.

There was nothing more that he could do now. Allen had been given a chance to plead his defense, though in nothing but the name of protocol; the higher ups had reached their decision already, and Allen did not disagree with it. So as they discussed his fate, Allen looked down, and remembered.

* * *

_Allen stood in General Cross's room, covered in bindings similar to the ones he would be wearing again five months later, glaring sullenly at the back of his Master's head as the mysterious Cross revealed information that made so many things click into place, yet raised so many other questions. Allen remained silent for the most part as Cross explained that Mana, for all intents and purposes Allen's father, was the brother of the 14th Noah; the Noah that had once betrayed and then been killed by the Millennium Earl. The general explained that he had promised to watch over Mana after the 14th died, and that in return the 14th would come back; in Allen's body. The 14th had already begun to awaken in Allen (that specter that no one else could see, always following him), and soon he would completely take control. Then, Allen would no longer exist._

_And Allen could no longer remain silent. He screamed in denial, as Cross pointed out the mounting pile of evidence (you knew the Player's song, you were able to perform it despite never having touched a piano in your life. He planted those memories in you). Allen fought against the implications (Did Mana every really love him?), and fought harder against Cross's words (Mana sort of lost it after the 14th died. I don't know when it happened, the 14th did not pick you for a reason; you were simply there. You were unlucky). It was not long before he was trying to fight Cross himself (What would you do if I told you that you'll have to kill someone you love?)_

_Lavi looked on unflinchingly from the sidelines as Allen struggled, and was ultimately subdued by the guards; Cross walked right past the red-head on his way out. But Allen couldn't begrudge him for it. Lavi was there as a Bookman, after all; it was his job to record, not to intervene. It must have been as hard for him not to help as it was for Allen to watch his Master go, along with all of the answers._

* * *

Allen exhaled slowly, carefully moving his left hand back and forth. He could feel the guards' attention on him as he slowly worked the deformed wrist in circles, trying to return circulation to his numb arm, though he was unsure of whether he had simply been still for too long or if it was some sort of side-effect from the sealing. Allen abandoned the attempt after another minute with no response. Soon it wouldn't matter, anyway.

* * *

_"Your hair's getting longer."_

_Lenalee looked up at Allen in surprise, raising her hand to toy with an almost shoulder-length ebony lock before smiling brightly at him. Allen's smile widened on its own in response— it was impossible not to pick up on her enthusiasm._

_"Yeah, I'm thinking about keeping it short," she confided, turning to face him completely. Her attire was all black as usual, comprised of a sleeveless top and ruffled mini-skirt with long leggings and short boots, innocence hanging around her ankles in the form of twin rings. "With the boots' new power up, I think that it might get in the way if I let it grow back out all the way, but I'd like to be able to put it up in ponytails. I might let it grow out a bit more," she mused. "Brother will certainly be upset, he loves playing with my hair."_

_"I think it looks nice either way," Allen complimented. Lenalee grinned a thank you, glowing at the praise. _

_Then Allen… changed._

_Lenalee's eyes widened slightly; she couldn't place exactly what was different, but suddenly it seemed as if a completely different person was standing in front of her. Taking a nervous step back, thoughts of the 14th Noah flew through her mind, as the boy that was not Allen looked at her._

_"Allen?" Lenalee asked quietly, preparing to invoke her innocence. And as suddenly as it had begun, it was over. Allen blinked, taking in Lenalee's expression with confusion._

_"Lenalee?" he asked worriedly. She straightened up, eyeing him with equal concern. "Are you alright?"_

_Wordlessly, Lenalee took a step closer to him, followed by another, until she was close enough to envelop him in an embrace. Visibly surprised, Allen wound his arms around her in return._

_"Lenalee?" he repeated, chuckling. The spirit of the 14th Noah floated around them restlessly as Lenalee's arms tightened._

_"I don't want to lose you," she muttered into his collarbone. Allen's smile stiffed._

_"You won't."_

* * *

A bitter smile found its way to Allen's lips. He had lied. He hadn't thought he was at the time, hadn't thought that the 14th would so nearly succeed. He hadn't wanted to think that he could ever allow himself to be taken over. But he did. And now he wouldn't ever feel her warm embrace again.

Allen's only hope now was that others would be able to.

* * *

_"Yo, Allen."_

_Allen looked up and was met by Lavi's usual toothy grin, though the other Bookman was nowhere to be seen._

_"Got something to show ya," he said enthusiastically, leading his fellow Exorcist through the winding corridors of HQ. Howard Link followed quietly, eyeing the Bookman's apprentice with mild suspicion. _

_"What?" Allen asked, glancing back at Link apprehensively._

_"You'll see," Lavi replied in a singsong voice that made Allen more than a little nervous. He stood to the side as Lavi stopped in front of a door and gripped its handle, swinging it open and inviting them in with a wide wave of his arm. Allen filed in obediently, noting the multiple bookshelves lining the otherwise unremarkable room. Standing next to the bed, he turned to watch Lavi bend down by the other side of it, seemingly rummaging through something beneath its frame._

_"So what exactly-"_

_"This," Lavi stated, standing back up and proudly displaying…_

_… what could only be described as a hardcore pornography magazine. _

_Utter silence. Link's eyes were wide, mouth slightly agape in scandalized horror. Allen wore a somewhat similar expression, while Lavi grinned at them. Allen stared at him for one more horrified moment before the sound of a door slamming distracted him._

_"I will be waiting OUT HERE until you disgusting scoundrels are finished with your- your filthy, lewd magazines!" Link called from the other side, outraged. "And I will be reporting this incident to Miss Lenalee!!"_

_"Wait!" Allen yelled, lunging for the door. "I don't-" he stopped short as something snagged the back of his shirt, and looked back to see Lavi restraining him with a surprisingly serious look on his face._

_"We need to talk," he said in a low voice, letting go of Allen's collar. Allen watched, perturbed, as Lavi tossed aside the magazine and had a seat on his bed._

_"About what?" Allen asked hesitantly, matching his tone._

_"Cross's murder."_

_Allen instantly sobered._

_"So you know for sure then?" he asked quietly, after a tense pause._

_"That he's dead? Nah, no new information on that front, though you know things aren't looking good." Allen nodded, a bit relieved in spite of himself._

_"What is there to talk about then?"_

_"The Old Man thinks that it was someone from Central, a higher up, that put the hit on him. During your interview with him, when he said that there were two sides to this war, Gramps stiffened up__—_ he told me later that we might be targeted as well, for hearing it."

_"Why?" Allen asked in shock. "Do you have any idea what it means?"_

_"No, but it worried him all the same. Listen- I'm a Bookman, I'm here to record things and not get involved. But as someone whose job it is to hear things, you make some enemies in people who don't want whatever they're doing on the record. A lot of Bookmen have died that way, from what I've heard. And, the way I see it, if they're going to make us get involved like that, I can cheat a little." Allen waited for him to continue, obviously confused. Lavi sighed, rubbing the back of his head. "Look, the Old Man and I weren't the only ones to hear that conversation that aren't affiliated with Central- there was Komui, and there was you. I'm not saying that Komui is untouchable, but with this 14th Noah stuff going on, it wouldn't even be difficult for them to have you executed. One order, a BS hearing, and that's it. You were Cross's apprentice, if they think for a second that you know whatever it is he was hinting at…"_

_"I understand." Allen finished for him, biting_ _back the impulse to tell him to stop talking about Cross in past tense.__ He sighed, joining Lavi on the bed. "As if the 14th wasn't giving me enough problems."_

_"How is that?"_

_"Under control," Allen said coldly. Silence settled over them for a few minutes. _

_"Do you think it was __Leverrier_?" _Allen asked eventually._

_"I don't know; it seems pretty likely since he was there to hear it, but anyone of his rank could have gotten their hands on the tape," Lavi replied, pondering. _

_"He acused me of being the killer once," Allen stated solumly. "I threw the accusation right back, but I just don't know. He was there when I saw the... crime scene, and I don't think it had been very long since the attack had happened. It seems weird for him to have gone there so quickly instead of setting up some alibi if he did it."_

_"Not like the old guy would have done it himself, just depends on who gave the order." Lavi pointed out. "The point I'm trying to make to you is that this was an inside job. Cross was trying to tell you something that the Order's central authority doesn't want anyone to know, don't give them any reason to think that you might."_

_"Thanks for the advice," Allen said, standing. "But I doubt Link will stand out there for too much longer."_

_"Pft, prude's probably still having a seizure," Lavi said easily, pulling his legs onto the bed and resting with his hands behind his head. "I know I'm probably not telling you much you haven't already guessed, but be careful, alright? Komui can't bale you out of everything."_

_"I know," Allen agreed, heading for the door. "Thank you."_

_"Oh, wait a sec," Lavi called, turning over and grabbing the magazine from before. "You can keep this if you want."_

_"I DON'T WANT IT."_

* * *

Allen couldn't help the small smile tugging at his lips. He had to wonder where Lavi had even gotten his hands on such a thing, though he was probably better off not knowing. The smile quickly faded. He hadn't needed that warning after all_—_ the 14th was too much for him to handle. Whatever mystery Cross had left behind was for Lavi or someone else to solve, if they could.

His body was really starting to ache now. The council knew what they were going to decide as well as he did, why did they insist on drawing this out so long?

There were things that Allen didn't want to have time to remember.

* * *

_There was no warning. One moment they were in the library, laughing as the librarian threatened to throw them out for making so much noise. Allen was apologizing between chuckles, Lavi grinned as he openly antagonized the angry woman, Link's mouth was upturned in amusement ever so slightly, and Lenalee was smiling. It took a fraction of a second for Allen's Innocence to activate, and before anyone had time to register what had happened, his clawed left hand was lodged deep in Lenalee's shoulder. Her eyes widened, lips parted in a silent scream as she watched her blood flow over his hand and down her shoulder in rivulets. Then she did scream, and everyone moved at once._

_Allen ripped his hand back, splattering blood in its wake as he prepared to attack again. Lenalee staggered back a step, gripping the wound and staring at him in disbelief. Allen didn't look angry, but despite the tears cascading down his cheeks, he didn't look sad either. His eyes were dark. He crouched, ready to pounce, gazing only at her. For a moment he was airborne; then a giant mallet smashed into him, sending him careening into a bookshelf, which in turn toppled over from the impact. Lavi stood protectively in front of Lenalee, livid, as Link stood to her side, brows furrowed in concentration as twin blades appeared in his hands. Surrounded by fallen books, the 14th Noah clambered to his feet, glaring hatefully at Lavi. Now he was angry._

_He was also fast. Lavi had been thrown against a wall before he'd even noticed Allen move. An alarm was blaring now, calling all Exorcists in the building to the library, but their attacker didn't seem to be worried by it. Link attacked head on, slashing at Allen and forcing him to turn his attention to Link in order to deflect the onslaught._

_"Run!" Lavi yelled at Lenalee, who hadn't moved at all and was still staring at Allen in disbelief. "He wants you, run!"_

_Lavi turned back to the battle as Allen dodged Link's attack and lunged for his throat. Link managed to block him at the last moment, but Allen used his momentum to spin and kick Link squarely in the stomach, knocking the wind from him. Lavi charged forward as Allen left Link on the floor, retching, but by the time he had swung his mallet Allen was gone. Swerving around, Lavi saw two things: Lenalee hadn't moved, and Allen__—_ or, the 14th Noah_—_ was nearly on her. Swearing, Lavi dove after him, knowing that he was too late. 

_Lenalee watched as Allen raced towards her, searching his eyes for something, anything, to convince her that he was still there. A flicker of remorse, a hint of hesitation, anything. She saw nothing but anticipation, and knew that he would not make the mistake of missing any vitals again. Surging forward, the 14th Noah smiled as he heaved Allen's clawed hand towards her chest with all his might, preparing to go clean through-_

_-and was stopped. Lenalee's right foot, now covered by the sheer material of her Dark Boots, was wedged between Allen's hand and the rest of her body, the heel impaling Allen's hand but leaving the rest of her right leg bent back painfully. She had skidded back with the impact and was braced against one of the bookshelves, panting slightly, with the surprised 14th looming over her. Before he could attack again, Lenalee threw all of her strength into her right leg, shoving him back as it straightened and leaving him unbalanced. Bringing her right leg down, Lenalee immediately pressed her advantage and kicked out with her left, making contact with Allen's chest and sending him flying back. Allen crumpled against the stone wall of the library, and landed in a heap._

_Trying to ignore the part of her mind that was screaming at her to make sure he was all right, Lenalee readied herself for another attack as Allen slowly pulled himself up. However, before he had managed to bring himself to a sitting position, Lavi was on him, quickly followed by Kanda. Lenalee blinked in surprise at his sudden arrival, and looked to the doorway to see several others approaching as well. Krory watched darkly as Allen was beaten to the ground again, and did not get back up, while Miranda gaped at Lenalee's wound._

_"Your arm," she said quietly, voice trembling. She paused, as if afraid to continue. "Did he… did Allen…"_

_Lenalee didn't respond, watching as a Crow unit arrived to roughly bind Allen's arms behind his back, ringed by a growing cluster of onlookers. Still staring, she allowed herself to be pulled into an embrace by Komui, and then dragged to the hospital ward._

* * *

Allen had not been self-aware during the attack, but he had certainly heard stories.

He had not been allowed any visitors but Leverrier, for interogation purposes, and once Komui. Remorse filled Allen as he thought back on that visit, remembering the expression on Komui's face_—_ filled with despair, anger and apology all at once. Sorry that he could not use his considerable power within the Order to help Allen, furious that his sister had been hurt, perhaps wondering if it would have been better not to have fought for Allen in the first place. Allen wouldn't have begrudged him for it. Their visit was breif and quiet, clogged with too many conflicting feelings to leave room for words.

Allen wondered if he should have said he was sorry, or if the grossly inadequate words would have simply made things worse.

"Allen Walker." A booming voice announced. Allen raised his head slightly to see the hard faces of the council turned towards him, all but the selected Voice silent. "For harboring the 14th Noah and attacking several Excorcists, we find you guilty of heresy and a threat to the purity of our Order. As such, you are hereby sentenced to death."

* * *

_AN: Apologies for epically sucking at action scenes. To anyone waiting for an update on one of my other stories, sorry, I can never seem to finish them before I get distracted by another- Chance Encounters is up next as far as updates go._

_Thanks go to my wonderful beta, Everystep!_


	2. Aftermath

**Beyond the Breaking Point**

**Chapter 1: Aftermath**

The first day of Lenalee's hospital stay, no visitors were allowed. Komui came to see her a few hours after the attack, but she was already asleep. Heavily sedated, Lenalee drifted in and out of consciousness for the rest of the night. He was not able to visit again. Link had not needed any medical attention and Lavi had only been kept overnight, leaving Lenalee with the hospital room all to herself— until 9 am, when the head nurse finally relented and, shouting for the mob outside to form a single file line, let the first person in.

"Baki, hi," Lenalee greeted as the supervisor shoved his way in, a surprised smile playing over her features. Baki had never visited her in the hospital before.

"Hey," he grinned, though his eyes were focused on her injured shoulder. Lenalee shifted self-consciously.

"What brings you here?" she asked, hoping to divert his attention. Baki's eyes snapped to her face.

"Just stopping by for a quick visit in Komui's stead."

"Brother's not out there?" Lenalee asked in surprise, glancing at the door.

"Never would have gotten in myself if he was," Baki laughed. "He'll be here as soon as he can be, but he's still holed up with the other supervisors; I just escaped myself."

"What are they doing?" Lenalee asked hesitantly. Baki didn't answer, but winced looking at her shoulder again.

"He really did a number on you."

"It wasn't his fault," Lenalee said too quickly, sounding overly defensive to her own ears.

"That's what they're deliberating, and I'm afraid most don't share your opinion. Is it just the shoulder?"

"I jammed my ankle, but the nurse said that will heal on its own pretty quickly," Lenalee answered quietly. Baki nodded contemplatively.

"Well," he said after some time. "That's good then, you'll be out of here in no time."

"What's going to happen to Allen?"

"I don't know ye-"

"Baki," Lenalee interrupted, grimacing as she stared him down. "What's going to happen to him?" Baki frowned, wavering.

"Nurse said not to excite you," he muttered. Lenalee waited as patiently as she could, drumming her fingers against the I.V. stand at her bedside.

"He's being tried for heresy," Baki stated abruptly. At Lenalee's terrified gasp, he rushed on. "We're doing everything we can, but he's a danger to the order-"

"They'll _kill_ him!"

"He attacked an Excorcist, Lenalee," Baki stated sternly. "And given questionable moves he's made in the past, there's nothing we can do."

"You know that wasn't Allen!" Lenalee yelled desperately, grabbing the front of his jacket. "Allen would never hurt me, or anyone else, you know him."

"Lenalee, he's not fighting it. He hasn't said one word in his defense," Baki gently removed Lenalee's hands and placed them back by her sides.

"But why?" she asked numbly.

"You know Allen's tendency to blame himself for everything— of course he'd never forgive himself for this. And you shouldn't be quite so quick to, either. I know that Allen would never intentionally hurt any of us, but if he can't control the 14th Noah then there's nothing we can do to even delay his judgment."

"Some judgment," Lenalee muttered fiercely. Baki made a noncommittal noise in response, before glancing up to see the head nurse marching towards them.

"And on that note, I've got to go."

"Already?" Lenalee asked in surprise as Baki stood up.

"Yup, I think that I've riled you up enough. I've got to get back to work as well, and there's a _looong_ _line_," he replied, adding emphasis to the last two words. Baki opened the door, giving Lenalee an idea of just how many people were waiting outside. The line extended all the way down the hallway, and there seemed to be people around the corner as well.

"Oh…"

* * *

Lavi was the next one in, leading Lenalee to believe that the line was being determined by bribery or threats; she did not believe for a moment that he had actually waited.

"How did you get out of here so easily?" Lenalee demanded, crossing her arms.

"By having a really hard— yet still devilishly handsome— head," he replied, plopping down on the end of her bed and rapping his knuckles against his head. "Mild concussion, all good otherwise."

"Lucky," Lenalee grumbled.

"They shouldn't keep you locked up in here for too long."

"No— listen, about Allen, have you heard anything?"

"Only rumors," sighed Lavi at the abrupt subject change.

"Like what?" Lenalee demanded.

"Mostly ridiculous things- as far as what's going on now, I've heard everything from crazy experiments in Central to being abducted by the Earl. Gossip travels fast, but most people don't even fully know what happened in the library; there are still a few people who think that you're dead."

"They haven't announced that he's being put on trial for heresy yet?" Lenalee asked. Lavi seemed to deflate at the news.

"Who told you that?"

"Baki; don't spread that around though, if it hasn't been publicly announced. Isn't it… odd, that they haven't said anything?"

"I don't know when that was decided, but the Order is being curiously secretive about the whole incident," Lavi agreed. "For the most part, Gramps has been kept out of the meetings, and the Order almost never denies a Bookman entrance. They weren't this careful before, when news of the 14th first spread."

"But then how did Baki manage to get out and tell me, if it's supposed to be a secret?" Lenalee asked, perplexed.

"Hard to say," Lavi replied, frowning. "From what the Old Man has been able to see, things seem pretty hectic. I guess they're more concerned about outside parties finding out than Excorcists, maybe they weren't watching him as closely. What I don't understand is why the Order was so unprepared. I mean…" he glanced uncertainly at Lenalee before continuing "they knew that something like this was going to happen, eventually."

"Perhaps they thought that they had more time," Lenalee suggested tightly.

"Yeah, maybe. Having had one of the Noah as part of the Black Order for more than a year was making people nervous before, but that scare seemed to have died down months ago. I can see why this incident stirred up those fears again, I just can't see why it would be any more of an issue now— Allen's been under surveillance since then, he hasn't learned anything new."

"What do you mean?" Lenalee asked uncertainly.

"I mean the initial fear with Allen harboring a Noah inside him was that he was infiltrating the Black Order on the Millenium Earl's behalf," Lavi clarified.

"He couldn't," Lenalee breathed. "The 14th may not be a friend of the Order, but he's not a friend of the Earl either. He captured the ark! The 14th is only in Allen's body because the Earl _killed_ him, why would he act as an informant?"

"He probably wouldn't, but no one is going to trust a Noah."

"Then they should trust Allen," Lenalee growled.

"That didn't happen before, Lenalee," Lavi looked pointedly at her injured shoulder. "It sure as hell isn't going to happen now."

Lenalee remained silent, blinking rapidly as angry tears began to form in her eyes. She took several deep breaths before continuing, struggling to keep her voice even.

"Then if the answer is so obvious, why are they panicking? Why are the higher ups trying to keep this a secret all of a sudden?"

"You think I know?" Lavi asked, sighing. "You knew about the trial before I did. Looks like I suck as a Bookman." Lenalee did not share his smile.

"As far as I can tell, they're freaking out because after half a year of observing Allen, they couldn't prevent this. They don't know what he's capable of, they don't know what he's done, they know next to nothing about the 14th. Hell, _I _know next to nothing about the 14th, and knowing things is my damn job. If there's one thing an establishment like the Black Order hates, it's a wild card. And there's-"

Lavi cut off mid-rant, grimacing. Lenalee eyes him suspiciously.

"And there's what?" she prodded. He exhaled slowly.

"I'll tell you later."

"Don't you dare try to leave!" Lenalee made a grab for his arm, but Lavi leaned out of range before she could catch hold of him, and was soon on his feet.

"Sorry, don't want the insane nurse on my case," he said, loudly enough for said 'insane nurse' to hear him. Both women glowered at him. Sensing that he was outnumbered, Lavi made a beeline for the door.

"I'll come back later, okay? See if I can find out anything." Lenalee's expression softened to a scowl.

"Yeah, thanks."

* * *

Lenalee quietly brooded over the next few hours, thanking well wishers and hedging around having to recount what had happened. She kept expecting Komui to barge in, kicking out whatever poor visitors happened to be in her vicinity and barricading the door. But he didn't come, and Lenalee couldn't stop thinking about what could be happening to Allen. The possibilities were enough to drive her to hysteria. By the time Miranda found her way in, apologizing for her lateness and to the various people she bumped into, Lenalee had decided to act.

"How are you feeling?" Miranda asked, eyes downcast as she nervously toyed with her gloves.

"Tired, but better," Lenalee replied, studiously ignoring the burning sensation building around her shoulder. The head nurse eyed her suspiciously, but said nothing. Lenalee forced a smile just in case, knowing that the pain killers would make her drowsy.

"That's good," Miranda said with a weak smile. The poor woman was looking even more ragged than usual, Lenalee noted sympathetically, wondering if they should switch places. "And Allen…?"

"I don't know," Lenalee replied stone-faced, becoming more accustomed to the lie with each retelling. Miranda winced, nodding.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there to do anything, I didn't get there in time-"

"Miranda, Lavi was right next to me when it happened, no one could have prevented it," Lenalee assured her with a tired smile. "We're all fine."

All except…

"I just never imagined, even after hearing about it…" Miranda hugged her arms to her chest, sliding her right hand up and down the sheer material of her uniform. "Allen's always protected us, he protected everyone no matter what."

"Sit down," Lenalee invited. Startled, Miranda looked back up at Lenalee's calculating expression. A vague smile played over the bed-ridden girl's lips.

"A-alright, thanks," Miranda said hurriedly, taking a seat at the edge of the bed.

"You know Allen as well as I do," Lenalee said once Miranda was situated, her tone hushed. "You know he would never hurt us. He shouldn't be punished for what the 14th Noah did."

"Of course not," Miranda agreed, continuing to fidget. "So then do you know-"

"He's going to be put on trial for heresy. You know what that means, right? It's an automatic death sentence." Miranda's grip on her arms tightened; Lenalee could practically see her white knuckles through the gloves.

"No…"

"Miranda, we can't let that happen." Lenalee waited for Miranda to say something, but the older woman remained silent, clutching at her uniform. "You remember when we first met you, right?"

"Of course," Miranda answered, seeming to snap back to attention. "Of course I do, you both risked your lives for me, saving me from that awful repeating town and the Noah."

"Allen has done that for half the people in this building, from Finders to Exorcists. He's placed his life on the line for this Order countless times, and the higher ups are just going to have him killed. I know that he can overcome the 14th, we just have to make sure he isn't executed before he can prove that. We have to save him." There was nothing calculating about Lenalee's disposition now, it was raw and desperate. "I couldn't do that alone at the best of times, I need you to help me."

Tears were cascading down Miranda's cheeks as she stared at Lenalee, seeming to see her in a new light. Lenalee held her gaze.

"Do this for Allen. Please, Miranda," Lenalee felt her eyes welling up again, perhaps brought on by Miranda's tears. "Help me save him."

Miranda nodded wordlessly once, then twice.

"Alright," she whispered.

* * *

Lenalee did not have a plan, she merely had a goal. Without knowing where Allen was, when his sentencing would take place, or how she was going to get out of the hospital, Lenalee had very little to work with. And the more she thought about it, the more she realized that there couldn't be more than a handful of people who didn't lack either the resolve or the ability to help save him. Lenalee tried not to think about the fact that saving Allen meant betraying the Order, her home and family. Komui would have to understand.

She focused instead on those who she had a chance of convincing. If she was feeling particularly optimistic, there were three other people whom she could ask. If she was being honest, there was only one who she was fairly positive would agree. Now it was just a matter of hoping they would visit.

None of them did for several hours, and Lenalee was having a mild panic attack. It was early evening by the time Kanda entered, wordlessly taking his place against the wall opposite her bed, arms crossed. Lenalee smiled at him in greeting. Kanda predictably did not return the gesture, but stared at her intently as his own form of acknowledgement.

"You can sit down," Lenalee offered. He jerked his head slightly to the right, which she interpreted as a "no thank you." A comfortable silence fell over them again.

"I was starting to think you wouldn't come."

"I had other things to do," he stated, not unkindly (by Lenalee's interpretation). She nodded.

"I wasn't sure if you'd been sent off on a mission," she clarified.

"Hm. Lavi told me you're asking about Beansprout."

"Um, yes. I was," Lenalee confirmed, unsure of why Lavi had told him that. She had hoped that she would have time to slowly segue into her request.

"Why?" he questioned.

"Because I want to know what's going to happen to him," she hedged.

"You know as well as I do," Kanda stated flatly. Lenalee winced.

"You don't think that's… wrong?" she asked uncertainly.

"No."

"Well," Lenalee started, avoiding his eyes. "I do." Kanda was silent. When Lenalee looked back up, he was gazing out the window.

"You agree that he should die?" Lenalee prompted.

"He tried to kill you, there's no way the Order will let him live, asset as an Exorcist or not," Kanda answered without looking up.

"But what do you think?" Lenalee prodded. Kanda turned to aim a mildly annoyed glace at her.

"I don't think that my opinion matters," he answered shortly.

"It might," Lenalee said anxiously. Kanda's gaze was deeply suspicious.

"Why?" Lenalee avoided meeting his eyes. "What are you planning?" he demanded. Lenalee hesitated, slightly discouraged by his hostile reaction.

"Jailbreak?" she offered nervously. Kanda's enraged expression was terrifyingly homicidal, even for his standards. For an awful moment, she thought that he was actually going to hit her.

"A_ what_?" he hissed. Lenalee decided that it would be best not to repeat her suggestion. Kanda glared at her murderously.

"I didn't think you were that stupid." Lenalee ignored the insult, waiting for him to calm down. Her composure seemed to make him angrier. "And just what the hell do you think you can do?"

"Not much alone," Lenalee admitted.

"And just who else have you recruited?"

"You would be the first," she lied. Miranda would not withstand Kanda's wrath.

"You think I'm going to risk my life breaking him out? Do you even have a plan?" Lenalee remained silent.

"I can't let them kill him, Kanda," she said eventually.

"You can't stop it."

"Maybe I could if you helped me," Lenalee insisted. Kanda sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"You are not going to get me to agree to that."

"He's our friend." Kanda looked very ready to dispute that, but stopped. Taking in her distressed expression, he sighed heavily once again.

"I do not completely hate Walker," Kanda said slowly. Lenalee smiled, though it didn't reach her eyes. "But I will not risk my life for him."

Without another word, he left.

* * *

_AN: The next chapter is going to be equally dialogue-heavy I'm afraid, but it will also be the start of the action._


	3. Desperation

**Beyond the Breaking Point**

**Chapter 2: Desperation**

Lavi made good on his word and returned to Lenalee's room an hour after Kanda stormed out. Lenalee hoped that Lavi hadn't talked to Kanda, though it seemed unlikely given Kanda's mood when he had left.

"Did you find out anything?" she asked when Lavi entered, claiming his previous spot on the bed.

"Yeah," Lavi said with a grim expression. Lenalee's heart plummeted. "It's not looking good."

"What did you find out?" she pressed.

"I found out that the hearing already happened, sometime last night or this morning. You can guess the results. I don't think that they plan on making an announcement at all," he answered. Lenalee did her best not to panic with the realization that she had even less time than she'd thought, if it wasn't already too late.

"They haven't…"

"I don't think so. I saw a bunch of Crow members stationed a few floors down by a secluded storage room; they're either guarding Allen or the council members. Either way, he's probably still alive. But I don't know how much longer that'll last, seeing how they rushed through the trial," he stopped, looking pained. He seemed to be trying very hard to stay calm.

"Lavi, we can't let them do this."

"We don't have a choice."

"We always have a choice."

"Well we don't this time!" Lavi yelled, pushing off the bed and stopping several paces away. He clinched his hands into fists by his side. "This isn't some akuma we can defeat, this is the fucking Order! Komui couldn't stop it, now it's too late. Just be glad we're not the ones that have to do it."

"Lavi!" Lenalee cried, horrified.

"That's what he said to do, didn't he?" Lavi challenged, turning to face her. "Always trying to be a God damn martyr, he must be thrilled."

"I'm not going to let them murder Allen."

"And what the hell are you going to do to stop it?"

"Stop yelling at me!" Lenalee screamed, wishing he was close enough to throw a punch at. Lavi grudgingly complied, looking no less enraged. Lenalee did her best to keep an even voice. "I know you're as upset about Allen as I am, but I'm not going to put up with you taking it out on me," Lenalee reinforced a bit more quietly. They engaged in a brief staring contest before Lavi finally sat back down.

"Now," Lenalee continued, forcing an even voice. "What I'm going to do to stop it is sneak out of here and break him out." Lavi stared at her, and Lenalee returned the gaze somberly. Slowly, he shook his head.

"That's not going to work."

"Never know until you try."

"Lenalee, there were four guards outside the door alone. In your condition you would be lucky to take on one," Lavi stated firmly.

"I hurt my shoulder, Lavi, I'm not a cripple," Lenalee snapped irritably.

"You think you can take on more than four?"

"I think I could with some help." For a long moment, Lavi was silent.

"You know the answer to that."

"Lavi, why? He's our friend. We've risked our lives for each other so many times before, why should this be different?"

"You know why this is different, you want to attack the Order?"

"I want to save Allen."

"Well like it or not, that would involve turning on the Order. We both know you're not going to do that."

"Do we?" Lenalee challenged, scowling.

"Yes," Lavi replied emphatically. Lenalee's frown deepened.

"Well, I might just surprise you."

"Lenalee, come on," Lavi sighed, running his hand over his face.

"I'm serious," she insisted.

"So am I."

"This isn't turning against the Order," Lenalee persisted, backtracking. "We're Exorcists, it's our job to protect each other."

"Well I'm not an Exorcist. I'm a Bookman."

Lenalee stared at him silently, mouth slightly agape. Lavi returned her stare head-on.

"I know you don't believe that."

"You don't know what I believe," Lavi stated, standing up again.

"Yes I do, Lavi! I've known you for years and I know that you don't just think of us as information to be recorded!" Lavi didn't reply, but continued towards the door. "Fine, I can do it myself then. Which room is he in?"

"I'm not going to tell you."

"Lavi!"

"Forget it, Lenalee. You'll only get caught. I'd rather not have to hear about another trial."

Powerless to stop him and almost out of options, she watched Lavi walk out the door. Lenalee lay back on her pillow, anger quickly fading into desolation now that she had no one to yell at. She thought about Lavi's brief description, and remembered days spent helping the Science Division unpack their various equipment, temporarily stored in three large rooms far underground. Five stories down, a left and then a right into a narrow passageway…

* * *

Krory did not visit. It said something about her plan that the most crucial part of it was destroyed by that one event. Lenalee tried not to get too frustrated over the fact that he was probably moping around in his room just a couple floors away, reminding herself that he probably wanted to visit but couldn't stand being reminded of what Allen (the 14th, she mentally corrected) had done to her. He was a sensitive guy, and this was hard for everyone; Lavi had his trained detachment as a bookman to fall back on, Kanda had his natural indifference to the suffering of others. Krory was too kind to have either.

Few others in the Order felt indebted to Allen, certainly not to Miranda or even Krory's degree. Perhaps Timothy would have helped, but Lenalee didn't have the heart to ask him; he was finally settled in his new life, and he was far too young. She couldn't subject him to what was looking more and more like a suicide mission. Miranda's power was discreet enough that her involvement might be overlooked, but the same could not be said for Lenalee.

Time passed.

It was just past 11pm, visiting hours were long past over, and Lenalee was out of time. She couldn't wait for the next day to coordinate something that may or may not work with Miranda; Allen could be dead by then. That risk wasn't worth waiting for help, if the only help she could count on was that of one Exorcist with no combat capabilities. Lenalee's heart seemed to drop into her stomach for the third or fourth time that day with the realization that she had to act now.

All of the lights were off, but she resolved to wait a couple minutes, listening for any footsteps clacking down the hallway. She felt bad for worrying Miranda unnecessarily, and wished that she had just kept the whole thing to herself from the start. Whether or not she was caught, if anyone admitted to having known before hand what she was going to do, Lenalee had little doubt that the punishment would be severe.

Reaching for the I.V., Lenalee pealed back the medical tape on her inner arm and curled her fingers around the thin tube leading out of it. Biting her lip, she slowly pulled the needle out. She grimaced, knowing it would bruise badly, before putting it down and swinging her legs over the bed.

No use stalling, she reminded herself, gasping as her bare feet hit the cold tile floor. Her ankle twinged painfully when she put her weight on it. Lenalee took a few practice steps before determining it to be a minor setback, but nothing to worry about. Feeling oddly light, she walked to the door and carefully turned the knob before pushing it open, wincing when it creaked. She closed it slowly and looked both ways before dashing for the stairs.

* * *

Lenalee held her breath as she slid as close to the wall as she could manage and peaked around into the adjacent hallway. Two robed Crow members stood guard outside of the room, which was formidable in itself, but she guessed that there were many more inside. Leaning back, a nervous pang shot through Lenalee's chest. She was really going to do this. Ignoring the wave of apprehension that washed over her with that realization, Lenalee prepared to invoke her Innocence. They would see the light from her invocation— if she wanted to take them by surprise, then she would have to hit before they could register what they had seen. That was within her capabilities. She would deal with what to do next after they were taken out; one step at a time.

Lenalee closed her eyes, taking a deep breath before reaching out to her Innocence, and promptly losing it when someone grabbed her from behind. She let out a startled yelp, which was muffled by a hand covering her mouth to a near inaudible "mph!!" Lenalee prayed that the Crow squad hadn't heard as she squirmed in her captor's strong arms, preparing to call her Innocence again. Suddenly she was flipped around, hand still covering her mouth, and found herself pressed against Kanda.

"Hmna?"

Kanda released the arm he'd had around her back and shushed her silently, but severely. He looked kind of pissed, now that she thought about it; his expression was nothing short of murderous. She found herself being half dragged down the corridor as Kanda kept one hand clamped over her mouth and pulled her along with the other. It occurred to Lenalee that he had never treated her quite this roughly before.

"What do you think you're doing?" he hissed when they were several hallways away. Lenalee tapped the hand covering her mouth expectantly, but apparently he wasn't interested in an answer, as he didn't remove it. Lenalee decided to be sporting and give Kanda ten seconds to do away with it before she bit him, a sentiment she hoped he was interpreting from her glare. He ignored her, glowering as he continued farther from her destination. She counted to five.

"OW, fu- Lenalee!"

"What did you expect to happen when you attempted to smother me?" Lenalee demanded in a harsh whisper. Kanda's grip on her arm tightened. "And you have exactly five seconds to let go of me before I knee you."

"You're not exactly in a position to be making demands," Kanda growled, clenching his hand. Lenalee winced.

"Kanda, that's where I pulled the I.V. out. Please let go," she requested through clenched teeth. Kanda froze a moment, seemingly deliberating just how angry with her he was, before moving his hand up her arm in a looser hold.

"Just what the hell were you doing?" he demanded again.

"What did it look like?" Lenalee shot back.

"It looked like you were about to get yourself killed for the sake of the guy who tried to kill you."

"Well perhaps if you hadn't refused to help it would be less of a suicide mission. I'm going whether you help me or not."

"No," Kanda reached to grab her other arm, but Lenalee yanked it away, "you're not," he finished, glaring.

"I don't think that's up to you."

"Well that makes you wrong twice tonight. You're going back to the hospital ward."

"Kanda, I mean it. Let go."

"No."

They glared at each other for a long moment, before Kanda took a different approach.

"Have you even thought about what you're doing?"

"I thought about it all day, and you are not going to convince me that I'm wrong."

"Aren't you always going on about how the Order is your family? The only thing that you're going to achieve is making everyone watch you be executed along side the Beansprout. You're betraying the Order."

"No, I'm not," Lenalee said quietly. "They betrayed me."

"By executing a Noah?"

"By killing Allen!"

"You're willing to make your brother watch you die by the hands of the Order to make a statement?" Kanda asked, eyes narrow. Lenalee hesitated a moment, retort dying on her lips, before averting her eyes.

"It's not making a statement."

"You're ignoring my question."

"Kanda, I didn't want to do this," she said desperately, looking back up at him.

"Then don't."

"I have to," she insisted, willing him to understand. "I won't let them kill Allen. I can't."

"You can't stop it. Even if I helped you, along with whoever else you asked, what then? Do you think you could live on the run from both the Order and the Earl, with no one to save you when the 14th attacks you again? Walker wants to die, stop trying to drag yourself down with him."

"Stop acting like you don't care," Lenalee shot back, "I know you do. You may not like him but you've risked your life for him before."

"As a fellow Exorcist, against akuma. Not as a prisoner against the Order. We are Exorcists, Lenalee, the Order gives us a purpose: to destroy akuma. Without the Order the Earl already would have won by now, you want to turn against it?" Lenalee was silent, avoiding his eyes again. Seeing her resolve waver, Kanda pulled her towards the stairs. "I am not arguing with you. Go to bed."

Lenalee let him tug her back to her hospital room. She silently walked in when he opened her door, and he in turn refrained from pushing her. She heard him sigh in tired exasperation as she sat on the edge of her bed.

"Go to bed." He repeated quietly, closing the door with a soft click. Mind racing, Lenalee obeyed, numbly lying on top of the unmade bed. She curled up on her side, clasping her hands together in something reminiscent of a prayer. Indecision plagued her thoughts as excess adrenaline kept her awake long into the night.


	4. Action

**Beyond the Breaking Point**

**Chapter 3: Action**

Lenalee felt awful when she woke up, greeted by a pounding headache and salty tear streaks dried on her cheeks. Managing to look above her comforter, she saw people set against the blinding light of an afternoon sun, and felt disgusting for sleeping in so late— a byproduct of restless sleep. Despite the late hour, she felt like she hadn't slept at all. With a groan, she managed to pull herself up into a sitting position. Glancing at her arm, she saw that the I.V. had been reinserted, and puzzled over when it had happened before wondering just how many people knew about her midnight escapade. A quick glance to either side told her that she was alone in the room, but she had a dim recollection of a figure drawing the quilt over her in the night.

Lenalee thought of Allen, and then she could think of nothing else. Tears started forming, and soon she was crying her eyes out. Pulling her legs up, she buried her face in the sheets as wet sobs racked her body. Maybe they were right, maybe she should have cared more that he had tried to kill her, but all Lenalee could think of was all the times that he had smiled, saved her, eaten impossible amounts of food, fought with Kanda, held her hand, laughed with her— she just didn't give a damn what else he had done.

She was a mess. Lenalee nudged her face further into the blanket with the knowledge that she must look just as bad as she felt clear in her mind. She had started to hiccup and strands of hair stuck to her red, splotchy face as tears dampened the sheets. Lenalee glanced futilely around the room in search of tissues as her nose began to run, the congestion worsening her headache. She didn't feel like an Exorcist. She felt like a scared little girl who just wanted to go back home and let her brother hug her.

This is home, she reminded herself. She glanced around the sterile room and out into the hallway, where people were steadily making their ways towards the lunch room. Lenalee felt disconnected from them. 'Home's where the heart is,' she recalled vaguely, unsure of where she'd heard the adage.

And how could this be home without Allen?

Without another thought, Lenalee threw back the sheet and jumped to her feet, bracing herself against the wall as the world spun. Blinking as the room came back into focus, she sniffled a few more times, thoughtlessly yanking the needle out of her arm yet again and striding purposefully over to the sink. Lenalee turned the tap on and let cold water run over her hands for a moment before splashing her face. The icy water seemed to bring clarity back to her mind, and after a few more splashes she looked at herself in the mirror. Her face was still red, and her breathing was far from even, but she felt like she was in control again.

With precise movements, Lenalee let her rumpled hospital clothes fall to the floor and reached for the folded Exorcist uniform at her bedside. The familiar feeling of the outfit's material on her hands sent an excited thrill through her body. After dressing, she located two hair ties and finger-combed her hair into passable side ponytails. As an afterthought, she ruffled through the cabinet above the sink. Finding nothing but a store of toothbrushes and mild pain killers, she took both, selecting a bottle and dry-swallowing two pills on her way out door as she stuffed the two toothbrushes in a pocket.

Maybe there was still time.

* * *

"Lavi."

Bookman paused, frowning when his apprentice showed no sign of hearing him. "Lavi!" he repeated harshly. When the redhead didn't respond, the old man delivered a sound strike to the back of his head, sending him sprawling.

"Ow, gramps!" Lavi hollered indignantly, cradling the back of his head as he pulled himself up.

"You're mind hasn't been here since you returned from visiting Miss Lenalee yesterday," Bookman accused, gravelly voice unapologetic. He frowned as Lavi stood up without another word, facing away from him. "Are you worried?"

"No," Lavi replied automatically. His voice had a ring of truth in it that Bookman knew too well to trust.

"Do not lie to me, Lavi." For a long moment Lavi descended back into silence.

"What is there to be worried about?" he asked when it became clear that Bookman expected a response. His voice was curiously devoid of sarcasm.

"Only protecting the record, as always. You know this speech, I won't give it again." Lavi nodded, resuming his journey towards the hospital. "Do not visit her again if you are feeling unsure."

There was the slightest hitch in his step, but Lavi continued forward, and Bookman let him.

Lavi exhaled quietly as he heard the near-silent Bookman's footsteps turn down another corridor. He found himself counting the tiles on the floor as he walked, an old strategy to keep himself from thinking that hadn't been working lately. Now was no exception. Lavi allowed himself a more pronounced sigh now that Bookman was no longer hovering, wondering if he would ever be able to reconcile his feelings with his duty. He was getting damn tired of puzzling over it.

Lavi looked up from the floor in time to see Lenalee disappearing around a corner and stopped. He started to follow her, hesitated a moment, and then stopped again. Frowning to himself, he turned and began walking in the other direction.

* * *

In the cafeteria, Lavi noisily set his tray of food down next to Kanda, who flashed him an annoyed glare. Lavi grinned in response, hopping into his seat.

"What 'cha eating?" Lavi asked in the most obnoxious tone he could muster, with quite impressive results judging by Kanda's eye twitch. Several finders stared wide-eyed at him, clearly questioning his sanity. Kanda stabbed at his food with more energy than was strictly necessary.

"Soba," he answered shortly.

"Sounds tasty. Mind if I try some?"

"Yes." Spectators gasped in horror as Lavi stuck his fork into Kanda's noodles, deftly twirling it before dragging half of the serving over his own tray and stuffing it in his mouth. At least one of the onlookers started praying. Kanda seemed to be shaking with inaudible rage.

"Not bad," Lavi remarked through a mouthful of soba noodles. Kanda's hand clenched around his sword. "You alright there, Yu?" Lavi asked cheerfully.

Kanda roared as he swung at Lavi, who had thrown himself backwards just in time to evade the attack. He quickly scrambled to his feet, activating his Innocence as everyone else in the cafeteria ran screaming.

"That was uncalled for," Lavi said reproachfully, enlarging his hammer to roughly his body size. He used it to block as Kanda swung at him again. "Are we really not on a first name basis by now?"

Kanda ignored him, slashing again. In the distance, alarm bells started to ring.

* * *

Lenalee froze as the alarm started going off. She hadn't even done anything yet! Ignoring her jammed ankle, she started running towards Allen's holding room, almost missing the instructions for Exorcists to report to the- Cafeteria? She paused a moment, staring at a passing golem with a perplexed expression. Why…? Not important, it would serve as a good cover. Lenalee resumed her running, puzzling over the order in spite of herself. She couldn't imagine any reason that the Noah would need to attack the Order's cafeteria; it was probably a false alarm. She activated her Innocence, and within seconds she was at the room. No one stood guard outside the door— without giving herself time to think, she kicked it in.

* * *

Allen barely flinched when he heard a loud impact and splintering wood. When a panicked yell followed it, he slowly lifted his head, too tired to display any real curiosity. His surprise upon taking in the scene before him, however, was genuine.

One crow member was on the ground near the door, facing away from him. By the time Allen had registered this, the fallen man's companion was down as well. Lenalee caught the Crow member's arm as he fell, setting him down more gently, before glancing up at Allen. Her breathing was a bit heavier than usual, more from nerves than exertion if her expression and jittery body language were anything to go by. Allen stared dumbly at her as she made her way over to him, vaguely noting the alarm blaring outside. Her expression changed, looking pained, and Allen thought it was from an injury he had missed before she tentatively put her hand on his cheek. The light touch was enough to send a pang of discomfort through the area, and Allen wondered what he must look like.

Lenalee scanned the bruises on Allen's face as calmly as she could; some were green and fading, others deep blacks and blues with intermittent swelling. There was a thin trail of dried blood on his forehead, dark and clearly old. His hands were bound in front of him, with a seal over his left arm that crackled when her hand passed over it. His right arm was sporting a massive bruise, but she couldn't see any other physical injuries, though the bags under Allen's eyes and the obvious force it took for him to straighten enough to look at her were enough to make Lenalee wince. It couldn't have all come from their brief battle.

Of course there would be some sort of interrogation.

Even as the sinking feeling in Lenalee's stomach was replaced with anger, she realized that he was probably better off than she should have hoped for. It had never occurred to her that he might not be able to walk. With a determined glint to her eyes, she began to hurriedly remove the seals on his arm. If he couldn't walk, then she would carry him.

Allen muttered something hoarsely, cleared his throat, and then tried again. "Lenalee," he said, voice relatively smooth but bewildered. "What are you doing?"

"What it looks like," she replied, frowning as the seal she grabbed sent something akin to a current of electricity through her hand. "I'm rescuing you."

Allen's expression remained dumbfounded for another long moment before reality seemed to sink in.

"Lenalee, stop, you're going to get in trouble-"

"I know," Lenalee interjected. "That's why we're running away." She paused her efforts on the Innocence seal and plucked off one of the levitating scraps of paper she recognized as wrist restraints, causing the others to fall to the ground uselessly. Allen moved his hand experimentally and then used his newfound freedom to grab Lenalee's arm.

"Stop," he ordered, eyes hard. "I don't want you to save me."

"That's what Kanda said," Lenalee replied, flicking his hand away. Allen seemed surprised.

"Well, for once he was right."

"I'm overruling you," Lenalee stated simply, continuing to struggle with his arm wrapping. Allen paused, unsure of what to say to that. "I'm tired of laying in bed and crying over the thought that you might be dead. You may have convinced yourself that you deserve this, but I'm not buying it; what happened wasn't your fault. And I'm not turning back again."

Allen's expression was grim. "Do you know what's going to happen to you once you finish taking off that seal?" he asked, moving his free hand to hinder her efforts once again. Lenalee tried not to wince.

"Nothing. I'll be prepared this time."

"Lenalee, think about this, if-"

"I've already knocked out two Crow members. Little late to turn back now, isn't it?"

"It's not too late." Allen insisted. "Komui can pull some strings."

"No he can't!" Lenalee shot back irritably; clearly her brother's name had struck a nerve. "He's in enough trouble already, I can't have him looking after me anymore." Lenalee's tone subsided as she asked, "Do you really want to die this badly?"

Allen didn't answer. "I hurt you, Lenalee."

"No you didn't, the 14th did. We'll find a way to deal with it. There!" she exclaimed in triumph as the last layers of his seal fell to the floor. Allen gasped, horrified, and jerked his head back to look at her. He held the expression for a few seconds before gradually relaxing as she smiled back at him. "Looks like he's sleeping. Come on, whatever's distracting everyone won't last forever."

"You didn't trip the alarm?" Allen asked. Lenalee shook her head.

"It started when I was on my way here, something in the cafeteria. I doubt it's anything serious, but we need to _go_," she emphasized. Allen's expression was resistant.

"I think I've hurt you enough already."

"I'll get better, my shoulder doesn't even hurt!" Lenalee insisted. Allen's sardonic expression clearly called bullshit, though he never would have used the term. "No, really…" Lenalee trailed off, seemingly surprised by this realization. The pain killers hadn't been this effective before. Curious, her fingers made quick work of the jacket's zipper and she pulled the sleeve back, baring her shoulder. Pulling aside pus stained bandages, her eyes widened. No trace of the wound remained. Allen's eyes were equally transfixed on where the wound had been as Lenalee poked at the skin experimentally before grinning.

"We're not alone in this," she said quietly, smiling to herself as she tugged her jacket back on.

* * *

The lights in Miranda's room were off and the door was closed, but dim white flashes could be glimpsed from the crack underneath the doorway. Inside, Miranda kneeled on the dark sheets covering her bed, legs tucked under her. Her arms were outstretched before her, monitoring the active Innocence on her arm as she felt the time it was holding twirl around within it.

"Please…" she muttered quietly, concentrating on the humming strands of time with all her might as alarms blared outside.

* * *

"That won't last long," Allen protested.

"Long enough," Lenalee countered easily, catching his hand and attempting to pull him to his feet. "Allen, it's too late for you to play martyr; if they catch you, they will catch me too, and we'll both be executed as traitors."

Something within Allen clenched at her words, and he knew she probably right; he hadn't even left the room, but Central would not turn a blind eye on any attempt to free him. Two unconscious guards were enough.

"We don't have time to argue any more, don't make this meaningless."

Allen pulled his hand back, staring at her with equal parts frustration and despair in his eyes as he rose to his feet on his own. Lenalee met his eyes with a determined frown. An ominous bang sounded against the south wall, accentuation her point.

"Run away with me."

It was clearly not a request. With no small amount of misgivings, Allen invoked his Innocence, and swore.


	5. Flight

**Beyond the Breaking Point**

**Chapter 4: Flight**

Lenalee closed her eyes against the light of Allen's invocation, mildly surprised that he knew a word like that.

"We need to get to the arc," he stated, sounding no happier about his impending freedom than before. Lenalee eyed him quizzically as he headed for the door, but followed him. They quickly broke into a run.

"Can't you just make a gate here?" Lenalee asked. Allen shook his head. He swung his arm, destroying a golem on his left, without slowing down.

"I'm trying… it's not working. A Crow unit did some sort of spell that prevented me from accessing gates on the day I was arrested, I don't know when or if it will wear off. We'll have to use the actual arc."

"Can… Can we do that?" Lenalee asked nervously as they rounded a corner, eyes searching the new hall for potential threats. Allen grimaced.

"I hope so."

Though his words were hardly comforting, Lenalee was relieved that he sounded like he meant them.

* * *

Link sprinted down flight after flight of stairs, avoiding the steady stream of people going the other way. Most Crow members were making their way to the cafeteria along with the Exorcists, though they had not been specifically summoned, but Link had his suspicions that he was more needed several floors down. Walker tended to be wherever alarms were going off, and Link very much hoped that the scuffle in the cafeteria had nothing to do with him. He jumped the last step and flew down a corridor, noting the remains of a broken golem as he turned, to be included in what was possibly going to be a very lengthy report. Not for the first time, the thought that they should not have taken him off of Allen Walker's guard crossed Link's mind, though he was not one to question orders. He skidded to a halt in front of an open door, and paused a moment to let the state of the room sink in. Two Crow members, though he couldn't tell which, lay on the ground, presumably unconscious or dead. The door hung to the wall by one hinge, slanted pathetically; it looked like it had been kicked in.

Link did not take the time to curse, instead promptly turning on his heel and running back towards the ark.

* * *

The floor seemed to be deserted, and was almost eerily silent. Knowing that this would not be the case farther up, Allen and Lenalee took a moment to stop and squabble over which path would lead them to the ark fastest, while running into the least amount of people.

"This way is quickest," Lenalee argued, gesturing towards the stairs.

"But it goes too close to the cafeteria, we should go straight."

"Not if we don't take the lift— if we take the stairs and then turn right, we should avoid most of the crowd and get there faster."

"There's another path to the cafeteria from the West hall, if people are still going there then chances are it's going to be more crowded than usual," Allen pointed out.

"But we'll have to loop around if we go straight, that gives us a better chance of getting caught! Why not just go this way and take the stairs at the end of the hall?" Lenalee demanded.

"Because that would intersect with the quickest way from the basement to the cafeteria."

"Just how many paths to the cafeteria are there?!"

"Seven, and going straight avoids all of them," Allen stated matter-of-factly. Lenalee sighed, clearly surpassed in this area, and nodded.

"Let's hurry then," she consented as they resumed their sprint. She might have laughed over the conversation, if not for their current situation and the fact that despite Allen's civility, he was clearly very unhappy with her; he avoided looking at her when they were not directly engaged in conversation, and even then he didn't look her in the eye. Lenalee tried to ignore that, instead concentrating on running and listening ahead for warning signs of unwanted company. She had to believe that he would come to appreciate this someday.

The two Exorcists sprinted down the hallway, passing countless doors and praying that no one happened to be behind any of them. They barely slowed down to round a corner, and Lenalee's heart sank when she saw that the new corridor was not unoccupied. The finder was facing away from them, and for a moment Lenalee allowed herself to believe that they could speed past him without giving him a chance to get a look. Then the man turned to face them, and Lenalee hesitated during the time it took for him to focus on Allen and open his mouth to scream. Fabric rushed past her as Allen activated his Crown Clown, knocking the man into the wall.

"Sorry," he muttered, rushing on. He glanced over his shoulder when a green light shone in his peripheral vision and saw to his dismay that the man was already beginning to struggle to his feet.

"We need to _go_," Lenalee emphasized, grabbing Allen around the waist and flying down the hallway. Despite being unaccustomed to the extra weight, they reached the end in less than a second, and it took Allen a moment to realize that they were going up stairs; his surroundings rushed by him so fast that he could barely even see them. He hoped furtively that Lenalee wouldn't run into a wall, tightening his grip on her shoulder.

"Let me down once we're on the right floor," Allen called, hoping she could hear him over the air rushing past them. Lenalee gave him a slight nod without taking her eyes off of the hallway in front of her, which Allen was immensely grateful for. He did his best to quell the nausea steadily growing in his stomach as floors and what might have been people flew by; he only realized that the alarm bell had stopped ringing when it started again. The finder had apparently located a Gollum.

Allen yelped as an impact on his left nearly made him lose his grip. "Sorry, hit someone," Lenalee apologized hastily, fixing their course and praying that she hadn't hurt the bystander too badly. Keeping her vice-grip on Allen, she dodged between and over various personnel as she made her way up.

"We're here," Lenalee said a split second before coming to a jarring halt; Allen flew forwards, taking Lenalee with him and causing the two to land in a tangled heap. Allen grunted in pain at the impact, landing on his bruised shoulder, as Lenalee slammed into his side.

"Sorry," she muttered, clambering to her feet and scanning the huge room. They had reached the center of the building; a dozen or so doorways lined the perimeter of the area, leading to various rooms and departments, and the ceiling was high enough to accommodate two floors. The Ark shimmered translucently ahead of them, light reflecting off of the tile floor.

"Alright." Lenalee glanced back to see Allen pushing himself up. "Let's-"

"Walker?"

Their heads shot to the doorways on the floor above them. Lenalee's heart sank as she located the source of the voice. Chaoji was staring at them, slackjawed and clearly taken by surprise— aparently news of their breakout hadn't completely circulated headquarters yet.

"Lenalee, what…?" he seemed to be in shock, making no movement to attack. Wordlessly, Lenalee grabbed Allen's arm, and ran. For a moment she was pulling him, but he soon regained his bearings and followed of his own accord.

"Stop!"

"Han," a second voice called out. Allen grimaced, recognizing the authoratative voice as Link's.

"Go-" whatever the inspector said was cut off as they jumped through the gate, leaving headquarters in another dimention.

* * *

Both Exorcists hit the ground running, but Allen kept up the pace while Lenalee slowed to take in her surroundings, surprised by the brightness of the quaint little ghost town.

"This way." Allen grabbed Lenalee's hand, barely pausing his stride before dashing down a cobblestone road.

"Where are we going?" Lenalee asked, easily keeping pace with him.

"The Musician's room," he answered shortly, releasing her hand. They continued down the passage at a sprint, taking a left when a fork appeared between the houses. Behind them, Lenalee heard shouting.

"Are we going fast enough?" she asked.

"We'll make it," Allen assured her. He paused at another junction, frowning, before continuing straight. Lenalee glanced behind them nervously.

"How do you know where we're going?" she asked hesitantly. They were far past where the science team had explored, and all of the houses lining the streets looked the same.

"I don't, I'm just following the music." Lenalee shot him a perplexed glance. She listened carefully, but heard only the clacking of their shoes against the uneven ground and her own quick breaths.

"I don't hear any-"

"This one," Allen stated, stopping fast and wrenching one of the doors open. Lenalee followed him in, closing the door and noting sullenly that there was no lock. She hung back while Allen strode purposefully towards the large white piano on the other side of the pallid room.

He sat on the bench, resting his hands on the inverted keys as a familiar song he had never heard rang in his ears. _Are you trying to show me the way_? he wondered, grimacing as he caught the reflection of a shadowed figure circling the room in a window, apparently excited to be home.

_Close the door._

Notes appeared in Allen's head and his fingers flew across the keys. The door behind Lenalee vanished, startling her, but Allen continued to play as a melody unwound before him. _Where to go_? Infinite possibilities unfolded before him in the form of distinct chords and harmonies. _Somewhere I've been before_. His fingers continued to move, weaving all of the ideas that passed through his mind into the song. The ark vibrated with the force of the score, reverberating throughout headquarters.

"Allen?" Lenalee asked nervously, gripping the wall. He seemed like he was in a trance, and she wondered if he even heard her. She flinched, gasping as a specter shimmered in and out of existence above him. It flung its arms wide, as if directing a concerto.

Allen continued playing, bringing Lenalee's voice in the melody and letting it influence his decision. It spoke of friends, and fears. Screens flashed across the walls, showing glimpses of people in the building; Link gripped his side while running down a hallway, Miranda sat uncertainly in her room, shaking, as Lavi was smashed into a wall in the cafeteria. Leverrier barked an order, furious, as Kanda shook off several finders who tried to restrain him. Krory raced towards the cafeteria, Bookman frowned as he calmly made his way through a road in the ark, Chaoji ran through similar looking streets, raw hurt and betrayal clear on his face. Komui stood frozen in front of an empty hospital ward, a bare I.V. needle leaking onto the rumpled sheets—

"There."

The images disappeared as Allen stood up, striding over to Lenalee. As the final notes dissipated into the air, an arched doorway appeared before them.

"Where to?" Lenalee asked, shaken. Allen grasped the wrought iron handles.

"China."

* * *

_AN: Sorry for the unexpected hiatus, there were many contributing factors ranging from college applications to writer's block, and then back to laziness. This chapter did not want to be finished, and is much shorter than usual as I kind of gave up. Hopefully it won't happen again, and I plan on resuming the bi-weekly update schedule._

_I shall attempt to placate you with a badly drawn Allen+Lenalee Doujin. Another thing I'll never update! Oh I'm a fun author._

_Allegra-the-neko . deviant art . com/art/Awakening-pg-1-147083589_

_If you can't be bothered to remove the spaces there's a link to my page on my profile._


	6. Nostalgia

**Beyond the Breaking Point**

**Chapter 5: Nostalgia**

Lenalee blinked rapidly as she stepped through the door and was surrounded by a bright light, feeling a sensation similar to walking on air. Just as suddenly, she found herself standing in a dark and unfamiliar place. The ground felt soft, and a cold rush of wind brought the woody scent of bamboo with it. Colors danced before her eyes as she tentatively reached out her hand, searching for Allen, and brushed against smooth bark. A forest then; probably a dense one, given the darkness, but "a forest in China" gave her little idea of where they actually were.

Allen watched the gate disappear behind them as soon as they stepped off, unable to make it stay. He frowned slightly at how accustomed he had become to controlling the 14th's powers; it almost felt like losing one of his senses.

"Allen?" Lenalee called, louder than necessary, apparently not realizing that he was only a foot away from her. Having better night vision, Allen took her arm (eliciting a short gasp from her) and began guiding her towards what looked to be a clearing. "Where are we?" she asked.

"China," he answered shortly. The following impatient sigh almost made him smile.

"I know that," Lenalee muttered. Rather than clarifying her question, she asked "why China?"

"I was considering China or India, since they're both far away from headquarters and have large populations, but I don't remember much of the language." Allen paused to pull aside a branch, making sure Lenalee had a hold on it before moving on so that it wouldn't whip back and hit her. "Besides, we'll fit in better here."

Lenalee looked around the woods uncertainly.

"Where in China are we?" Allen's expression tightened.

"Near a small village, I don't think that the Order will bother sending anyone here." They walked silently for a while, climbing over fallen trees and tripping over roots. Lenalee's anxiety grew more and more the further they went.

"Had you ever been to China before our mission here?" she asked, feeling a need to break the silence.

"No," he answered. The light was getting closer, and apprehension bubbled up through Lenalee's chest. She knew this forest. Lenalee stopped walking. Allen turned to look at her, but her face was hidden by the darkness; he could not gauge her expression. He opened his mouth to say something, but thought better of it and instead held out a hand to her.

"We're almost there," he assured her. That was what she was afraid of, but Lenalee took his hand anyway. They continued on, and Lenalee had to shut her eyes against the light of a bright morning sun as she stepped out from the canopy of trees. She vaguely wondered what time it was here, and what time it was back at Headquarters, before slowly opening her eyes.

Lenalee sucked in a quick breath at the sight before her. They were on a mountain, and from here she could see around the entire scarred valley beneath them; deep trenches marred the earth, with patches of fallen trees spanning impossible distances and other clearings where there was simply no wildlife at all. She had heard that plants sometimes ceased to grow in places where great battles with akuma took place; the soil was laced with their poison, running deep into the ground. She continued to take in the fallen trees and decimated earth before tearing her eyes away from the sight and looking at Allen. He was staring out at the scene with a grave expression on his face.

"This is where Suman died," Lenalee stated without pretense. Slowly, Allen nodded, leaving his eyes downcast.

"It was the first place I thought of, that was far enough away from the Asian Branch. I was trying to get us closer to the village, but the place Fou found me is several miles from here. We should have some time before word spreads, anyway."

Silence reigned once again, as both Exorcists gazed out over the landscape, replaying their own memories of the place in their minds. Neither one's were pleasant. Lenalee's thoughts turned back to the time, in an effort to stave off the incoming rush of unwanted recollections; the sun was fairly high in the air, though it was not as bright as it had been at the Order. It seemed earlier here, though she did not know what time the sun rose on a summer day in China; wasn't time supposed to move forwards? It should be later here— perhaps it was the next day. That was an odd concept. Thousands of miles and a day away from home. But that wasn't home anymore, was it?

"We should go," Allen muttered. Lenalee nodded. It took a few minutes for either one to actually move. With an attempt at a smile, Lenalee took the first step, and they began the long hike down.

* * *

"I wonder what motivation you could have had for bothering me during a jailbreak," Kanda intoned coolly. He and Lavi sat in a hospital ward, bandaged, as nurses ran back and forth preparing dressings for those unlucky enough to get caught in one of the two battles.

"Funny coincidence that," Lavi replied, rubbing his arm. "Interesting how quick you were to fight."

Kanda was silent, and Lavi grinned.

"You realize that they won't survive long on their own." Lavi's grin fell.

"They have a chance."

"To die on their own terms."

"Why did you play along then?" Lavi challenged. Kanda deadpanned.

"You are extremely hard to not attack when you speak."

"Well you didn't have to damn near take my arm off," Lavi complained, pointing to the bandaged appendage for emphasis. "And you damaged my Innocence too! The Old Man's gonna kill me, if Komui doesn't get to me first!" The edge of Kanda's mouth curved up in the thinnest of smiles.

"Just making it believable."

* * *

In his office, Leverrier reviewed the footage caught on a golem of the fugitives' escape for the umpteenth time. He folded his hands together, a deep frown etched on his face. It hadn't caught much. Lenalee looked at him from the golem's projection, clearly confused, before running on as the golem broadcasted a message calling all Exorcists to the cafeteria. Leverrier waved the machine aside, beckoning a second golem forth. No golems had been allowed in Walker's holding room, but two were ordered to hover on either side of the hall, focusing on the door. One had been destroyed. The other fluttered before him, turning so that its eye was facing the ceiling before beginning to project. This time the picture showed a long hallway at a slant, with a door at the edge of the frame. A second into it Lenalee ran into the video, spinning with her Dark Boots visibly activated and kicking in the door. The golem remained where it was and missed most of the following fight, just barely catching one of the Crow members falling to the ground unconscious. Seconds ticked by, and a few minutes later Lenalee and Allen ran out, either ignoring or missing the golem as a clawed hand destroyed its partner.

Leverrier scowled, clearly dissatisfied. The clips proved one thing that he already knew, and one thing that he did not accept. First, Lenalee Lee had broken Allen Walker out of his confinement, and both had fled. Second, she had done it alone. Leverrier shifted, shooing the golem away again. It was quite clear that the escape attempt had been orchestrated between three Exorcists at the very least, but he would need a bit more evidence to convict them. Leverrier's frown deepened. _If_ he decided to convict them. They had lost so many Exorcists already. Six during the incident in Edo, their strongest General just after it, and now two of the strongest remaining Exorcists. There were less than a dozen left in contact, and they hadn't found a new one since Timothy; far less Innocence was being recovered than before. It was difficult to tell whether it was simply harder to find or if the Earl was getting to it first.

Leverrier sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose. The Order could not afford to lose Lavi and Kanda now. The more he thought about it the more the incident looked like it could have truly been a coincidence; Kanda's hatred of Walker was no secret, and the Bookman's apprentice would not abandon his duties to help a fellow Exorcist. Lee's defection was a surprise only because she had been the target; she was always trying to run away when she was younger, after all. She should have been watched. But Komui would not have agreed to that.

"Sir, Supervisor Komui Lee has arrived," a voice from beyond the door reported. Leverrier placed the golems in a drawer on his desk.

"Send him in." After all, since no one had been killed, this was technically still within Komui's jurisdiction. Nine people were hospitalized in all, five of them from Kanda and Lavi's fight, but all of their conditions were stable. On the issue of the cafeteria brawl at least, Central had no excuse to involve itself. Leverrier would keep the two off any retrieval missions, but they would only be punished for the fight; and given Komui's past actions, they would be punished lightly.

Link held open the door and Komui walked in, two Crow members behind him. They took their places on either side of the doorway as Komui continued forward, expression fixed in a deliberately neutral manner that Leverrier had noticed he tended to assume when fearing the worst. Leverrier smirked. Yes, the Exorcist's punishment would be light, assuming that Komui would still be head of the Order's Main Branch after this meeting.

* * *

Lenalee discovered that she did not like hiking. She could handle the physical exertion, and even enjoyed the rugged terrain, but her uniform was really not designed with it in mind; her bare thighs bore multitudes of scratches from scraggly limbs, despite Allen's best efforts to hold them back for her, and Lenalee was considering murdering the inventor of the high heel. To make matters worse, the wound on her shoulder had reappeared about twenty minutes into their trek, whether from Miranda deactivating her Innocence or time zone interference she did not know. She had born the pain silently for about half an hour before Allen had noticed her grimace and made them stop to re-bandage it. Lenalee wasn't sure if the injury or the icy silence that had descended over them again when Allen saw the wound hurt more. At the moment, she thought it was probably her shoulder. And her feet. And her legs.

Not that Lenalee wasn't used to bearing some pain. She was sure that Allen was having a harder time, out of shape and bruised as he was, but it certainly didn't make the trip any more enjoyable.

"Why is it that you brought us here rather than somewhere in the city?" Lenalee asked at length. Allen took a moment to answer, and Lenalee noticed that his breathing was labored. She resisted the urge to ask if he wanted to stop, knowing that he wouldn't.

"I didn't want to risk popping up in the middle of a crowd," he answered, taking several deep breaths before continuing. "And I thought staying in a— secluded village would— be best. Though I guess— it doesn't really matter, until the news spreads."

"Are you alright?" Lenalee asked as Allen's panting became more pronounced. "Do you want to take a break?" Allen shook his head, staggering slightly; Lenalee grabbed him instinctively and realized that he was drenched with sweat. "Allen!" she said worriedly, pulling him down to sit on the forest floor. He folded easily, resting his head on his knees and sucking in fast breathes.

"Sorry," he managed to say as Lenalee pushed aside a damp lock of hair to feel his forehead.

"Allen, you're really hot," she said worriedly, wondering if the village even had a hospital. She moved her hand to feel the back of his neck. "Are you feeling dizzy?"

"A little," he answered.

"You're probably just dehydrated, but…" Lenalee glanced around, biting her bottom lip. She couldn't see any streams around, and there was no guarantee that the water would be clean anyway. "We need to get you to the village."

Lenalee berated herself for not planning for this; even after seeing his injuries, she hadn't thought about the fact that he probably hadn't drunk anything for a few days. Lenalee froze with a sudden realization. "Allen," she began hesitantly. "While you were in captivity, did they feed you?"

Allen didn't answer. The silence was deafening; Lenalee gaped at him. Going without food for a few days would be bad enough for a normal person, but for _Allen._

"Why didn't you say something?!" she demanded. Allen smiled somewhat guiltily at her furious expression.

"It's not as if we could get food any faster if I did," he muttered. "I meant to show up right by the village…"

Lenalee had always found Allen's eating habits amusing, but the fact was his body needed those insane amounts of food to function; that was going to be a huge liability while living on the run. No wonder he was so weak, she felt the need to berate him for not mentioning it; but Allen was right, what could she have done? She hadn't even thought to bring any food. Lenalee frowned, undecided. Going to the village would take some time, even with her Dark Boots, and she didn't want to leave Allen alone. Plus, running through the air while this close to the Asian branch was not a good idea, even if they were miles away.

"I'm going to see if there are any streams around here," she said decisively, standing up. "Stay here, alright?"

Allen nodded. Lenalee glanced around, memorizing their surroundings as best as she could, and activated her Innocence before running in the direction with the least obstructions. She kept a sedate pace, dodging around trees and slowing further when she approached thickets of bamboo, but still flew by normal standards.

"Come on," she muttered pleadingly, glancing around for a water source. The first she came across was stagnant, with foam she didn't trust clinging to the sides, but further along she found a stream of running water. Lenalee eyed it suspiciously, cupping her hands under the flow and inspecting the water. It looked clear enough; she took an experimental sip and didn't detect any odd tastes. With the "probably safe" verdict drawn, she realized that she had no way of transporting it back to Allen.

Lenalee huffed slightly as she ran back, faster than the first time, and received a branch to her injured shoulder for her carelessness. Within moments, she was standing before Allen again.

"I found some water, but it's kind of far away. Can you stand up?" she asked.

"Yeah," Allen answered, pushing himself up. He swayed on his feet, but did not fall. Lenalee frowned thoughtfully for a moment before wrapping her arms around his waist. "Lenalee?" Allen asked in surprise, tensing at the sudden contact.

"I'm going to lift us up, it will only take a minute," she promised. Allen hesitantly placed his hands around her waist.

"Try not to go too fast…" He lurched forward when Lenalee took off, leaving his stomach somewhere on the ground as he clung to her for dear life. "Slow," Allen grunted, leaning his head against her shoulder as a wave of nausea passed over him.

"Ah, but I was…"

As promised, they were soon on the ground again. Allen sank to his knees, bangs touching the ground as he bowed his head, dry heaving. For perhaps the first time in his life, he was glad that his stomach was empty, though throwing up might have made him feel marginally better. He glimpsed knees setting down next to him out of his peripheral vision as a hand landed on his back.

"I'm so sorry, I tried to go slowly," Lenalee apologized, horrified. She ran her hand down his back as Brother used to do for her once before realizing that Allen might not find it soothing; she placed both hands firmly in her lap. Lenalee watched tremors wrack his body several more times before they subsided; Allen slowly pulled himself into a sitting position.

"It wasn't you," Allen assured her, sounding winded. "I was already feeling sick." Lenalee's gaze was doubtful, but she remained silent as he crawled to the water's edge. Feeling guilty, she turned away and sat back, pulling in her legs to take in the forest. There were a few birds flitting about, which she took as a good sign. Perhaps someday the mountain would recover completely. Lenalee sighed as her thoughts drifted back to their current situation. This was probably the worst planned rescue attempt in history. Hadn't she spent all day thinking about it? Why hadn't she come up with any practical aspects of a plan beyond 'find Allen, get Allen, leave?' She felt embarrassingly stupid for the lack of forethought.

Lenalee turned as Allen sat beside her, seeming at least to be breathing easier, though he looked sickly. "Sorry for making you sick," Lenalee apologized, ducking her head. Allen shook his head, watching the birds land on a bamboo shoot only to take back to the air a moment later. The atmosphere was ruined by his stomach rumbling in want of sustenance. Allen gave her a self-conscious glance. Lenalee did not smile.

"I'm assuming you didn't bring any food," Allen asked with a pained smile. Lenalee shook her head. Her eyes turned back to the birds. They were small; they wouldn't yield much meat, and Lenalee wasn't sure that she had it in her to extinguish the small signs of life.

"It was kind of a spur-of-the-moment thing, I didn't really think about… bringing anything," she admitted timidly.

"Do you have any supplies?" Allen asked, aghast. Lenalee was quiet for a moment, before reaching into her pocket.

"I have tooth brushes," she declared, holding them out proudly. Allen stared at her blankly a moment, before smiling in spite of himself.

"Well, it's something."


	7. Futility

**Beyond the Breaking Point**

**Chapter 6: Futility**

Lenalee made her way towards the village at a breakneck pace as the woods gradually became more fallen trees and grassland than actual forest. Her surroundings didn't seem familiar, but she had been racing in mindless panic last time too, so she hadn't really expected to recognize any land marks. Still, she had expected the forest to extend farther. Unbidden, her thoughts drifted back to Allen, temporarily forgetting the geography issue. While she knew it was very unlikely that things would turn to disaster the instant he was out of her sight, the image of him in her mind was enough to make her run faster.

* * *

"_We have to get you into town," Lenalee said with a sigh. Allen nodded his agreement, but seemed hesitant. "I promise to go slow," she continued hurriedly._

"_It's not that. I was just thinking that we're fairly conspicuous. Me especially," he added, gesturing towards his hair. Lenalee looked at it thoughtfully; she'd been around Allen for so long that she sometimes forgot his white hair was unusual._

"_Well, maybe for now it would be best for me to go and pick up the essentials. I doubt they have anyone here looking for us, though…" she trailed off as she glanced down at her uniform, worrying her bottom lip. In hindsight, it was not such a bright choice of wardrobe; its entire purpose was to be a beacon for attack. _

"_We'll just have to improvise, I guess," Allen stated, pulling up the tunic of his prison uniform. Lenalee watched him struggle with it in mild confusion, before deciding to step in once he'd managed to trap one arm in the fabric._

_  
"Would you like some help?" she offered, moving behind him to tug his arm back through the sleeve. Allen looked away so that she wouldn't see him flush. _

"_This thing feels like a dress, it's impossible to get off," he complained, avoiding her eyes. Lenalee giggled lightly, reaching for the hem._

"_And why are we taking it off?"_

"_I thought you could put it on over your uniform." Allen tentatively raised his arms as Lenalee stood on her tip-toes in an attempt to get the uniform over his head._

"_You've gotten kind of tall," she commented, settling back on her heels as they managed to pull off the fabric through joint effort. Lenalee froze as her eyes settled over his back._

_Had that scar always been so big?_

_The discolored skin stretched jaggedly along the better part of his back, just left of his spine. The assorted blue bruises only accentuated it, and Lenalee blanched at the knowledge that it continued on his chest and torso, the sword having gone clean through his body. If that had been a normal sword, made out of steel… All Exorcists had scars, it came with the line of work; Lenalee had more than a few herself. But this… She was glad Allen was facing the other way, not wanting him to see her reaction to it. _

_As if on cue, Allen turned to face her. If he saw anything amiss in her expression, he did not comment on it, instead handing her the tunic. Lenalee hurriedly put it on for something to do, pulling it over her Exorcist garb. By the time her head found its way through the collar, she was composed. _

"_This actually isn't bad," she stated. As Allen had said, it fit like a dress, obscuring all of her uniform except for the sleeves. The light blue fabric clashed rather violently with the tight, black material covering her arms, but it at least covered the rose cross and unusual miniskirt. _

"_Pretty good for what we've got," Allen agreed. Lenalee smoothed out the fabric and made a face as she encountered a damp spot from his sweat; the outfit had certainly seen better days._

_Allen noticed, and winced. "Uh, sorry, I've been wearing it for a couple days," he muttered embarrassedly. Lenalee smiled, more bemused than dismayed, and held back a giggle._

"_I'll cope." _

* * *

Perhaps she would have been a bit more disgusted by her current garments on a different day, but as things were she had bigger things on her mind. As Lenalee got closer to the village, she knew that something was wrong. She was sure that there had been trees here. They had formed a halo around the village, separating it from the grassland, and the battle hadn't reached this far. She skidded to a halt at the outskirts of the town, continuing on at a normal pace. From what she could see, the houses seemed intact. A lot could happen in a year, she couldn't jump to conclusions; they could have cleared the surrounding forest for any number of reasons. Her thoughts drifted to the young girl she'd rescued from Suman's rampage, and Lenalee felt a pang of guilt as she realized just how much she had regretted saving her after losing Allen. Maybe they would meet again. Would the townspeople recognize her?

Lenalee tugged at a lock of hair before pushing it behind her ear. She looked different, and she had only interacted with a few people at the time, but maybe they would remember her anyway. Despite their need for secrecy, that would probably be a good thing, since she had no money. Lenalee groaned, berating herself once again for not bringing anything. She hadn't even thought about it; the Order had always covered any fees, she was not in the habit of carrying money. Now they were reliant on handouts, and with the amount of food that Allen put away… Lenalee evaluated her feelings on theft.

_Think about that later,_ she told herself sternly. Not thinking ahead was what had gotten her into this mess in the first place, but for the sake of her own sanity she planned to stay the course. She conjured a smile and stepped towards the first line of houses, trying to ignore the sense of wrongness that still emanated from the place. While she had learned to trust her instincts, she wanted very much to believe that she was projecting her feelings onto her surroundings. Her smile faded as she continued walking. No one was outside. Lenalee glanced at one of the houses, but the shutters were closed. Looking to her right, she found that the two houses opposite the first were closed off as well. Lenalee quickened her pace, exploring the other dwellings.

It wasn't all that unusual; a closed off village falling to the threat of an akuma. She had seen it before in the countless rural towns, and she had dispatched of the threat in each. It was usually only one or two akuma, slowly picking off the residents and any travelers passing through. She could still fix this, just as long as—

Lenalee stopped as something caught her boot, and glanced down to see a swatch of dirtied fabric covering her foot. She bent down to pick it up, avoiding patches of grey mold as she spread it out in the air. It was a dress. Looking closer, Lenalee saw that there was a large rip in the side, curiously absent of mold. She grimaced, dropping it as she looked back up. Some of the houses farther in were damaged, a few seemed to have collapsed completely. Lenalee ran up to one of the intact ones and rapped her knuckles against the door.

"Is anyone here?" she shouted. Complete silence answered her. Lenalee activated her Innocence, barely waiting for her boots to hum to life before kicking the door down. The inside of the house was predictably dark, but from what she could see, things did not seem out of place. There were certainly no people inside, but no signs of a struggle either; it reeked of rot, and Lenalee hoped that it was decomposing food rather than bodies. But then, akuma rarely left bodies. Lenalee ran her hand over a table by the door and found it layered with dust. Wiping her hand on her tunic, she made her way to the window and opened the shutters, letting a stream of light in. The house was small, with one floor and only two rooms. The first was a simple living room combined with a kitchen; sparse furniture, some pots and pans sitting in a corner, and a small rug at its center. The second was a bedroom, half of which was taken up by a large bed, big enough for two. Feeling slightly sick, Lenalee exited the house. She considered exploring another house, but knew that she would find much the same thing. The massacre had happened long enough ago that there would not be any survivors left, and she hoped that some of the people who lived here had managed to escape.

It was unlikely that the akuma (or akumas) that had done this were still around, but Lenalee chose not to linger anyway, and sped back to Allen.

* * *

Allen sat by the stream's edge, looking at nothing. The pain in his stomach had relented for the moment and was throbbing dully; he'd found that it came and went in waves, a mild annoyance at one moment and then gagging fit the next. He felt dizzy, but the nausea had mostly passed, and Allen found himself without enough distractions to keep him from thinking; a task he truly did not want to undertake at the moment. The reality of the situation had yet to completely sink in, and much as he wanted to keep it that way, there were too many things that he had to think about. For one, he had just run away from the Order, the closest thing he had to a home and family. That probably should have bothered him more, but having been beaten and deprived of food he wasn't overly sentimental about the loss, though he knew that he had deserved the treatment. Which brought him to why he was incarcerated, a thought that he instinctively shied away from, but forced himself to examine now.

He had attacked Lenalee. She acted as if nothing had transpired between them, but he had attacked her with the intent to kill. She could tell him that it wasn't his fault as many times as she wanted, but it didn't change the fact that it could happen again. It _would_ happen again if things remained as they were now. In his current condition, Lenalee could probably beat him effortlessly, but what about when he got better? What about when she was sleeping, when he was sleeping, when she was looking the other way and it was over in an instant? There was no one here to protect her, and Allen could no longer claim that he would never lose to the 14th. He already had.

So why did he run away?

Her argument had made sense at the time— certainly she would have gotten into an enormous amount of trouble for attacking two Crow guards with the intent to free him. But did he really believe that that situation would have been worse than this one? She had people in the Order to defend her. No one would have stood for her suffering his fate. Even if Komui wasn't enough to protect her, there wasn't a single person in the Main Branch who wouldn't fight for Lenalee Lee. She would have been alright.

Now she was at the mercy of the 14th. Why hadn't he refused to leave? If he had really wanted to, surely he could have prevented this.

"_Scared to die, boy?"_ Allen stiffened as a mocking voice resounded through his mind. It reminded him a bit of Tyki Mikk, with a slight British accent and more ethereal lilt. Allen felt his heartbeat race as his hands balled into fists at his sides. He wanted— no, needed something to hit, but there was only him. Looking into the water's surface, he could see the outline of the 14th hovering over his shoulder, his grin the only distinguishable feature. As if sensing Allen's fury, he moved around him until he was no longer visible in the stream. "_You'd best keep fearing it; if I see you considering offing yourself I _will _kill her."_

"Allen."

Allen yelped as a voice came from his left, swinging around madly and nearly falling into the stream.

"Sorry, did I startle you?" Lenalee asked. Allen's breath came in short spurts; the pain in his stomach had intensified, and he was more than glad for it. Lenalee frowned, and he noticed that she looked troubled. Not quite upset, but saddened, as if she were about to tell him some bad news. She wasn't carrying anything; Allen wondered if they had they refused to offer her any supplies, and why.

"Allen, the town was attacked by an akuma. I think it was pretty recently. There's no one left. We should," she paused, as if swallowing something distasteful, "…see if there's any food there, I didn't look."

Allen stared at her dumbly. She was waiting for a response, he knew. Perhaps expecting some resistance if her determined grimace was anything to go by, but he couldn't think of anything to say. The town that had nearly been destroyed by Suman, that they had fought to protect, was simply gone? He thought of the girl that he'd pulled from Suman. Was she dead now? Maybe she had died that night, come to think of it. He had never asked Lenalee whether or not she survived. The answer seemed fairly obvious now, and Allen couldn't help but feel useless. They had all died anyway.

"Allen. He flinched as Lenalee touched his shoulder, and she retracted her hand almost instantly. She held it above him awkwardly for a moment, before letting it fall to her side. Apologies ran through Allen's head and made their way to his tongue on impulse, but he let them die before they could escape his mouth.

"Yeah," Allen agreed instead, forcing himself to his feet. Lenalee's hands hovered, ready to help him if he asked for it or catch him if he fell, but Allen managed to stand. "How far away is it?"

"I don't think you can make it on foot," Lenalee said regretfully. Taking in his appearance, she pulled the borrowed prison uniform over her head (with considerably less difficulty than he'd had) and handed it back to Allen. She waited wordlessly as he slipped it back on. Once Allen had it situated, Lenalee gripped his forearms before looking up at him, waiting for his consent. Allen returned the gesture, and they were in the air. He didn't feel sick this time, or at least not sick enough to throw up. Allen saw that Lenalee was more gliding than running, using her boots to propel them forwards. The cool air whipping past him felt somewhat soothing, and Allen was a bit disappointed when they began to descend. Lenalee took care to jostle him as little as possible, sinking to her knees with him as they landed. Allen found his footing and stood up on his own, taking in the ghost town. They had landed in what appeared to be the center of it, with large buildings to every side; some were intact, others demolished. Rumpled heaps of what appeared to be cloth littered the ground. Allen looked back and saw that Lenalee was eyeing him as if she expected him to fall apart on the spot. He smiled somewhat bitterly. It was awful, having her worry about him.

"I guess we should look around," Lenalee said quietly. There were no bodies to burry; she wondered if Allen had figured out what the clothes were yet. It felt entirely wrong, as good as grave robbing, but— well, these people didn't need things anymore, did they? Any salvageable food or clothing would eventually spoil and decay along with all of the people, and that didn't do anyone any good. Lenalee wasn't entirely sure if she had taken Allen's hand or he had taken hers, but they approached one of the undamaged houses together.

This house was larger than the last one Lenalee had entered, with five rooms and elegant furnishings. It was virtually untouched, save for the dust coating everything. Allen seemed surprised, glancing around at the faultless furniture.

"I expected it to be more… destroyed," he muttered, moving into another room. Lenalee continued looking around, before seeing a picture frame resting on a table and quickly averting her eyes.

"I guess the people living here ran away," she offered hopefully, following him. Allen nodded absently, running his hands over a line of cabinet doors without opening them.

"Yeah, probably," he agreed. It was easier to believe that. They wandered around the house in silence, discovering two bedrooms and a kitchen along the way. The kitchen smelled the worst; flies and other insects neither Exorcist felt like getting close enough to identify clung to rotting bits of fruit on the counters, and Lenalee prayed that there wasn't any raw meat in the room.

"I guess we should take a look," she suggested halfheartedly, gripping the handle to a cabinet. Allen mimicked her actions across the room, opening his to reveal a set of dusty china. Lenalee drew back the cabinet door and screeched in surprise as flock of moths greeted her, ducking to avoid them as they fluttered out. She scowled at the uncommonly large insects before turning back to the cabinet. Behind her, Allen clutched the counter, feeling a bit ill.

"Just cups here," Lenalee reported, moving to the next door. Her expression brightened when she opened it. "These should be okay," she said, pulling out a bowl of nuts and dried fruit. Her expression fell a bit as she realized that it was probably where the moths had come from. She poked around through the bowl's contents before handing it to Allen, seeming satisfied when nothing flew out. "Watch out for bugs," she advised before returning to the hunt.

Despite his queasiness at the moths, Allen popped a nut into his mouth, and was once again ravenous. By the time Lenalee had turned around to place another bowl on the counter, he had finished it. Lenalee blinked, staring at the empty bowl in mild disbelief.

"Try not to eat too fast, you don't want to throw up," she advised, before turning away from the carnage. A cabinet three doors down yielded some salted meat of questionable quality, but there was no other edible food to be found in the house. Lenalee looked out the window as Allen devoured the meat, despite her cautions. There was certainly something creepy about staying in a dead town. She wanted very much to move on, but from a practical viewpoint she knew that staying the night here would be preferable to sleeping on the forest floor. Besides, Allen wasn't going to miraculously heal overnight. And really, where were they going to go? She didn't have any friends that weren't connected to the Order, and Lenalee doubted that Allen knew anyone in China. It hadn't occurred to her that escaping the Order might be the easy part.

"Should we look through the other houses?" she asked without facing Allen. He was quiet for long enough that she thought he wasn't going to answer, but when she turned towards him he raised a hand placating, apparently considering it.

"I guess so," he offered uncertainly. Lenalee shrugged slightly, with a casual air she didn't really feel. They had already desecrated one house. As they moved to the next, she found herself wondering what exactly had happened. There had been many akuma in the area during their fight with Suman, and it wasn't impossible that they had missed a few, but this all seemed so recent. Lenalee knew that she shouldn't think about it too much, and that akuma attacks happened all the time, but she couldn't help but wonder what, if anything, had drawn them back here after so long.

She wanted so much for the girl to be alive somewhere.

Maybe it was the situation, or just being back in China, but Lenalee was reminded of Anita. Perhaps it was best to subscribe to her philosophy again, and just believe that the girl was alive.

They spent the rest of the day exploring the village, thankfully not coming upon any corpses but that of a rat in a pantry. They avoided bedrooms in favor of impersonal kitchens, and Lenalee could count the amount of words they exchanged during their investigation on both hands. It was not a comfortable silence, but it felt better than talking. They found enough nonperishable goods over the course of the day to satisfy themselves, but both were burnt out well before sunset. Lenalee grimaced at the clear sky, wishing she had a watch.

"I wonder if news has spread yet."

Allen did not look up at the comment, which was a shame, as Lenalee had asked in hope of starting a conversation rather than any real interest in the matter. They sat on a wooden porch jutting out from the side of one of the houses, backs against the wall and a doorway between them. Lenalee stretched her legs over the side, while Allen sat with his knees pulled to his chest. The sun was entirely too bright; even after scavenging for hours, the sky gave no indication of approaching evening. Glancing at Allen, Lenalee decided to try again.

"Where should we sleep tonight?"

"Anywhere is fine, I guess," he replied into his knees.

Lenalee smiled humorlessly. "You're really mad at me, aren't you?" Allen exhaled loudly, tilting his head to look at her. Lenalee met his stare, a bit apprehensively.

"No," he answered in a voice that Lenalee thought made it sound a lot like a "yes." Her expression must have said as much, because he continued. "Not at you, Lenalee."

He did not elaborate, and Lenalee decided to let the issue die. Her injured shoulder hurt from all the lifting she'd done, and she was in no mood to argue. But the silence made her feel the loneliness of the town, so Lenalee rose to her feet and entered the house, leaving Allen to brood on the porch. Despite what seemed to be an early hour, she was exhausted. She wandered through vacant rooms aimlessly before finding a small one with a bed pushed far to the side, almost against the wall.

Lenalee entered, and looked at the bed. It was a little messy, with the sheets drawn back and pillows lying lopsided at its head. It looked terribly inviting, but Lenalee couldn't bring herself to lay down on it, and she knew that she wouldn't sleep a wink if she did. Grabbing one of the pillows, Lenalee dragged it and the top sheet off of the bed, shaking both before resituating them on the floor and lying down herself. Closing her eyes against the bright room, she drew the sheet over her head in an attempt to keep the worst of the dust at bay. Though sleep would certainly be impossible, her body made no protest against the rest.

* * *

Allen sat outside until the sky began to darken, thinking about too many things to really concentrate on any one subject. The 14th was mercifully silent, but Allen didn't trust himself to be alone with Lenalee at night. Despite the fact that the first attack had happened during broad daylight, things somehow seemed more sinister in the dark. When he finally stood up he felt sore from staying in one position for so long. Allen stretched halfheartedly and hesitated by the doorway before going in.

"Lenalee?" he called. There was no answer. His heart seemed to skip a beat, and he quickened his pace, running through the rooms. "Lenalee!" What if it had happened again and he hadn't even realized it? Allen looked down at his hands and was relieved to see that they were not bloody, but the panic returned as he found himself back in the front room without having seen her. How had she gotten out? He hadn't noticed a back door. Various scenarios of why and how she would leave ran through his head before he doubled back through the first bedroom and noticed a black-clad foot poking out from behind the bed. He all but leapt over it, only to find Lenalee lying curled on her side, a tangled sheet thrown over her with only the top of her head poking out. Asleep.

Allen sighed heavily, sitting down on the bed. He was almost positive that the 14th was laughing at him, but that was alright, as long as Lenalee was okay. It was hard to remain irritated for long; she was kind of adorable.

Allen regretted the thought almost as soon as it had crossed his mind, and he immediately stood up, walking over to the door. He considered finding a different house to sleep in, but realized that if Lenalee woke up first and found him missing she would worry. Casting one last look at her sleeping form, he closed the door, locking it from the inside, and made his way to the living room instead. Making himself as comfortable on the couch as his aching body would permit, Allen stared at the ceiling until his vision went blurry and he had to blink.

They would have to move on in the morning. This place held too many bad memories, and they had enough problems to deal with without the past to complicate things. Allen let his eyes slip shut, turning to face the back of the couch, and prayed that he wouldn't dream.

_

* * *

_

AN: Boring chapter is boring, imsry. Thanks go to Bokunenjin who whipped this chapter into adequacy as I cried in a corner about my inability to write.


	8. Steps

**Beyond the Breaking Point**

**Chapter 7: Steps**

Allen woke up hungry. It was one of his least favorite sensations, becoming conscious only to be attacked by the feeling of something trying to gnaw its way through his stomach. He rolled onto his side with a light groan, closing his eyes against the too-bright room. To top it off, they barely had any food left. And he had _known_ that eating through the vast majority of their reserves was a bad idea, but he had been very hungry. Lenalee hadn't helped, encouraging him to eat every edible thing they came across, not claiming anything for herself unless he prompted her to. Allen opened his eyes despite the light, wincing a moment as his pupils contracted. The left seemed to take longer than the right.

"Ah," someone started to say something, but stopped. Allen glanced at the door. It was open. "Good morning."

Allen turned to look over his shoulder and saw Lenalee standing by the window, hands clasped in front of her in an uncertain position he was seeing more often now. "Good morning," he replied automatically. Lenalee shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

"Did you sleep alright?"

"Yes." It was easy to answer her, but Allen wished that she would stop. It was a sad attempt at normality. Maybe it helped her, but Allen felt that much worse from her attempts to make him feel like nothing had happened. He could understand a little why Lenalee hated it when he smiled to reassure her.

"That's good."

But that had been different.

"We should get going," Allen said abruptly, getting to his feet. Lenalee nodded enthusiastically, moving away from the wall.

"Are you hungry?"

"No," Allen answered curtly. He sighed, before turning back to face her. "I'm not, I'd rather just get moving," he added in a softer tone. Lenalee seemed to understand, attributing his behavior to their surroundings.

"Yeah, me too," she agreed. "There isn't much left anyway, we should probably save it."

"Right."

Lenalee was really starting to hate the silence that descended over them after every minute or so of conversation. "Oh, here," Lenalee said, offering Allen one of the toothbrushes she'd taken from the Order. Allen accepted it with something resembling amusement before wandering off to find the bathroom.

Lenalee returned her attention to the window, catching her reflection in it as she ran her hands through her hair with a grimace. Not only was it tangled, but having fallen asleep with it still up the night before, her head was sore enough to keep her from wanting to redo it. It looked pretty silly down though, given her lack of a hairbrush, and she was glad that Allen had not seemed to notice (or was at least too polite to say anything). Experimenting, Lenalee gathered up her hair at the back of her head and twisted a hair band around it, securing it in a regular ponytail. Tucking the majority of her bangs behind her ears, she was a little surprised by how different she looked. If anyone got a good look at her it would be clear who she was, but the hair style did alter her appearance perceptibly.

Lenalee's thoughts drifted to Allen's hair. They would have to do something about that, if they were to enter a populated area. She could blend in effortlessly with the millions of other people in China, but Allen had far too many distinguishing features besides being a foreigner. She wondered vaguely if he would object to dyeing it, and where she could get the supplies to do so. Whatever color they chose would certainly hold well.

Lenalee considered what she could do to alter her appearance. The idea of wearing a disguise seemed silly, but anything to prevent them from being easily recognized couldn't hurt. Coloring her hair would only make her stand out more, but something else, maybe? She dismissed the idea of cutting it as soon as the thought appeared. Everyone was used to her having short hair, it wouldn't help much, and most women here would have long hair anyway. But those were just justification for heeding Anita's request as it flared in her mind; unless forced to do otherwise by unforeseeable circumstances, Lenalee fully planned to grow her hair back out.

"_You have beautiful black hair. Don't ever lose it to the war, okay?" _

Lenalee hurried away from the window, busying her hands with gathering their feeble store of supplies together. Anita and everyone on that ship were things that she really did not need to be thinking about right now. She had to focus on the person who she was still able to save.

* * *

When the 14th had first begun following him, Allen has subconsciously avoided looking at mirrors, or any reflective surface really. He hadn't known what it was yet, and when nothing seemed to happen, he had gotten used to it and started looking at them again. Since the attack he had fallen back on that old habit. Seeing the Musician over his shoulder was a constant reminder of what already weighed heavily on his mind, but beyond that he was scared. As if acknowledging his presence would give him another chance to strike. The worst part was not knowing what, if anything, had triggered it.

They had just been talking. It was not an especially good time to strike— there were other trained fighters around. He had just_ looked_ at her, and then… what? Allen had run over the memories a hundred times, and each time was painful, but he had to know. There had to be something there. It was as if a stretch of his memory was simply missing. He was looking at her, and maybe blushing a little because she so rarely smiled like that these days and he couldn't find quite the right word to describe how it looked, but idea of the word was something he really shouldn't be thinking about. Then he was in a dark room, and everyone was moving and someone was yelling at him but he didn't know what about. It took him a moment to realize that he was tied to a chair, and longer to realize why. And no one would tell him_ what_ had happened. He caught a glimpse of Lavi and tried to ask him, but Lavi's expression silenced him faster than the Crow official's blow. Lavi had never looked at him like that. Allen had never seen Lavi look at anyone like that, through every battle they had been through together. Abruptly, Allen was no longer indignant, and did not attempt to ask what had happened again. A hundred possibilities swirled around his head as he waited for whatever was coming.

Link was not among his guards, which worried him more than he had expected it to. Allen wondered if he had hurt the shadow; why else wouldn't he be there? Link was always there, a permanent fixture wherever Allen was. But that wouldn't be enough to make Lavi look at him like that, unless… he felt like he might throw up. Had he killed Link? He tried to remember, and his thoughts drifted back to Lenalee. She had been smiling. Allen abruptly pitched over and vomited on the floor.

It was Leverrier that finally told him. That was somehow fitting. He didn't sound smug when he said it, though the attack proved all of his accusations right. It was hard to tell how he felt about it, though he seemed to tense when Allen asked about Link. His speech became even more clipped after that. The words "council" and "execution" were mentioned, but Allen barely heard them. Going over Leverrier's account of what had happened in his mind, Allen didn't realize that the man had stopped talking until he had already left the room. It seemed inconsequential.

Things passed in a daze, after that. More talking that he didn't care enough to listen to, people he didn't recognize and didn't care to recognize making their way in and out of the room. A steadily growing accumulation of pain, first where he had been physically harmed but then coming from inside. He was tired a lot, things were fuzzy a lot, and Allen wasn't sure if they had drugged him or not but there wasn't really much to be done about it either way. Looking back, if that was the case then it certainly wasn't helping his endeavor to remember.

Allen now looked directly into the bathroom mirror, hands clenching around either side of the sink, and faced the phantom Noah with a determined glare.

"We need to talk."

The 14th looked different than he had the first time Allen saw him. A bit less cartoonish, more… _solidified,_ somehow. His smile, far more subdued than his usual wolfish grin, was smug, amused, and no less alarming.

"_Do we now?" _The voice emanated from within Allen's head, resembling his own enough to make him frown, but it was clearly different all the same. For some reason, Allen wondered briefly if the Musician could read his thoughts, and made a point of speaking his response out loud.

"What is it that you want?"

It was weird, very weird, to address the thing so directly. But it had to be done. Allen was very aware of the fact that he was out of options. Maybe it should have been done before everything came to this point, perhaps it could have changed something. Somehow, it had seemed like acknowledging the Noah would make him more real.

"_Would you give it to me if I told you?"_ the voice asked, far too amicably. What was it about the Noah? Attempting to kill you and your loved ones one moment before sitting you down for tea the next.

"Probably not," Allen answered honestly, attempting to gauge the reflection's expression. It was not an easy task. "Not if your answer is any of the things that I think it might be."

"_Then why ask?"_ Though the voice was devoid of any curiosity, it did sound like a question that expected an answer.

"You wanted to kill her." Allen's hands were shaking with the force of his grip on the sink. But it was time to be perfectly blunt, as Allen had a feeling that this Noah did not feel like sharing much of his time.

A wry smile (or at least what Allen took for one). _"I certainly tried."_

"Then why haven't you tried again?" There had been so many opportunities, and Allen's heart had skipped a beat with each of them, wondering if he would even know that the 14th had acted before it was far too late.

"_Did you want me to?"_

Allen was not even going to dignify that with a response.

"_Your sense of humour is lacking, boy."_

"I'd say the same to you," Allen all but growled. This was going nowhere, and the Noah calling him 'boy' bothered Allen on several levels that he did not want to think about. "Answer my question."

"_Say please."_ Allen gave the mirror a very, very blank look. The Noah sighed, and the way the sound bounced around his dead made Allen grimace. _"And you used to be such a polite boy."_

He was really deriving enjoyment— amusement, even— from this conversation. The thought made Allen angrier than he would have expected, and he reminded himself that breaking the mirror would not only ruin his chances of getting anything out of this conversation, but alarm Lenalee. Allen didn't think that he would be able to stand her knowing how easy it was to converse with the 14th, it was bad enough having to acknowledge it himself. Besides, the last thing they needed was additional bad luck.

"Just tell me." It came out more tired than exasperated. It was hard to sustain anger at the phantom; everything Allen felt towards him he felt towards himself tenfold. He was the one that allowed this thing to take control, and Allen couldn't have forgotten that fact for a moment even if he had wanted to.

"_Very well."_ The Noah spoke as if he was doing Allen a great favor. _"If you must question my motives, I have not attacked her again because doing so has not yet suited my interests."_

Allen could not even begin to fathom the meaning behind that, but one thing was clear. "You do plan to try again."

It was not a question. The Noah shrugged.

"_When it suits me."_

Allen grit his teeth and wished, wished so much, that he could say "I won't let you" and be taken seriously, or at least be able to take himself seriously.

"Isn't there any other way?" he asked in a measured tone. The Musician was silent for a moment.

"_What an odd question,"_ he mused._ "There is always an infinite amount of 'other ways.' But for me to get what I want, I doubt that you would like any of them."_

"What are they?" Allen demanded. The Musician went silent again, for a long enough time to make Allen wonder whether or not he was going to reply at all.

"_They are not things that I am willing to negotiate."_

Allen's head was throbbing, pain fueled by the voice like a vicious migraine. "I won't accept that."

"_There are a good deal of things that I imagine you are incapable of accepting, boy; that does not keep them from happening."_

Now Allen was silent. What could he possibly say to that? Every denial in the world would not change the fact that the Noah was right, and that deep down Allen knew he was right. There were a lot of things that some part of him knew, deep down, but the rest of him refused to examine. Now they all seemed to be bubbling to the surface (you can't save everyone, sometimes sacrifices have to be made, I'm not going to win this).

Lenalee was waiting for him. Allen suppressed the thoughts, turning away from the mirror; despondent, but unsurprised. Attempting to strike a deal with the Noah was a last resort that he had never expected to work. He would have tried it sooner if he'd had the slightest hope of success.

"_By the by,"_ the voice began. Allen whipped his head around to look in the mirror, eyes wide. The Noah smiled in an almost friendly manner. _"You don't need this anymore, to talk to me. I can hear and speak to you perfectly well without it, though I doubt you'll give me much reason to."_

Allen left the room without another word.

* * *

Lenalee looked up when Allen entered the room, a little relieved in spite of how silly that was. He had been gone for five minutes at the most.

"I've got everything ready," she informed him, gesturing towards a small pack of what Allen guessed to be food tied up with a towel. He was about to inform her that she had forgotten to pack in a container of crackers, when he caught her expectant gaze and realized that she had done so on purpose. "I know that you weren't hungry before, but I thought you might be now."

Allen half expected his stomach to growl, tattling on him, but even when it didn't it seemed like a silly thing to deny. He smiled a bit, accepting the package. "Thanks, I am."

It didn't come out as carefree as he had intended, but it seemed to do the trick. Lenalee darted a glance at the bathroom before turning back to him.

"I'm going to go see if the shower works," she informed him, making her way to the door but pausing before going through it. "Make sure to drink a lot of water, okay?"

Allen nodded, mouth already dry from the very salty "breakfast." Lenalee flashed him a smile, and then disappeared around the doorway.

What on earth was he going to do?

There never seemed to be any good option. He couldn't leave her now, alone in a largely unfamiliar country after giving up everything for him (though a small part of him pointed out that she would be better off that he in that situation). But he couldn't stay with her either, a ticking time bomb until the 14th decided that killing her "suited his interests." Damned if he did, damned if he didn't. Wasn't that always the way it went?

Allen started a bit at the sound of water rushing through the walls of the house, followed by a squeal from the direction of the bathroom; he had to actually grab onto the counter to keep himself from running in on impulse. He was right here, so she was fine. The water was probably cold, and the absolute _last _thing their relationship needed at the moment was him running in on her unclothed. Allen was fairly sure that his brain would simply explode at that point.

Perhaps he was more than a little edgy. And that was not going to help anything. Allen forced himself to take a deep breath, chewing the crackers slowly and feeling the scratchy way they went down his throat before heeding Lenalee's advice and finding a cup. One day at a time. They were going to take this one day at a time. It was the only way to do it; even thinking where they might be tomorrow night incorporated too many uncertainties to be known. When Lenalee got out, they would pick a direction and start walking. That was it. For now, that had to be enough.

A sip of water made Allen aware of the fact that he was parched, and by the time he stopped drinking his stomach almost felt full.

Lenalee walked into the room a couple minutes later, and Allen literally did a double-take, nearly giving himself whiplash craning his head to look at her again. Her hair was down, still damp from the shower, but what caught his attention were her clothes. Her uniform was folded over her arm, and she was wearing what looked like a long-sleeved robe, light pink with red trimmings that matched the tie (belt? sash?) holding it all together. It wasn't a color combination he had ever seen her in, seeming almost hyper-feminine; the fact that the robe was clearly too big, making her look more petite than she actually was, added to the effect.

"There's a drawer full of clothes in the room to the right of the bathroom, if you want to look. I think I saw some men's clothes, but they all look very similar," she stated, placing her crumpled uniform with their other supplies. Allen studied her expression carefully. There was something there, but he couldn't quite tell what; she looked somber, above all else.

"Thanks," Allen said, moving to explore the room she had mentioned. It started as a reflex not to make her be the only one walking out of the house wearing the dead's stolen clothing, but as soon as he had wriggled his way out of his prison garb, Allen was aware of how completely disgusting he felt. The outfit needed to be burned, not washed. Allen made do with hurrying to the shower, a little put off that there was no hot water but feeling more than a little stupid for expecting there to be. He was incredibly thankful for the bar of soap present, scrubbing off residue from days of confinement and ill health.

Upon stepping out of the stream of water and into reasonably clean clothes, Allen felt better than he had any right to, despite himself. The robe and matching pants fit loosely, far different than the tight material of the Exorcist uniform he'd become accustomed to, but not much unlike the prison uniform had been when he first wore it (or so he imagined, anyway, not quite remembering ever changing into the thing). Returning to the front room, Allen was a little surprised to see Lenalee standing right by the door, waiting for him. She smiled a little apprehensively when he entered.

"Do you mind if I try something?" she asked, taking his hand and tugging him towards the counter. Allen's mind blanked completely and he nodded with absolutely no idea of what she had in mind. "It's not a very good solution, but since your scar is so distinctive, I thought for now we could just put this over it," she explained, holding up a roll of gauze and medical tape. Allen blinked. Lenalee's expression turned concerned. "Is that okay?"

"That's, ah, fine," he assured her, still slightly bewildered. Lenalee made quick work of tearing the tape into roughly even pieces, holding the roll up to his face several times to gauge the lengths required.

"I know it sounds silly," she spoke up when he said nothing, still preparing the dressings. "And of course to anyone who knows what to look for it will be really obvious, but it's better if other people don't remember seeing it, right?"

"Right," Allen agreed, staying very still as she placed the gauze against his face with a look of concentration, and a tenderness that almost hurt. They were both silent until she stepped away, paused a moment, then took a step forward again to brush his bangs in front of his face. "Lenalee…?"

Perturbed really was not quite strong enough a word to explain Allen's confusion at the action, but as she began brushing them out of his eyes a moment later it clicked that she was attempting to cover the pentagram above his eye. Yes, that certainly was distinctive. All this was a very good plan, except for the fact that…

"Um, Lenalee," Allen began hesitantly, smiling at her a bit apprehensively. "I think that my hair is going to draw attention to us anyway."

"I know," Lenalee replied, not the least bit crushed by the ruination of her scheme. "I was thinking that at the next town we come across, I could get you some hair dye, if that's okay?"

Allen just looked at her for a moment. Since when had Lenalee become a specialist in espionage? Or maybe that was just the obvious answer to the issue and he was an idiot to have never thought of it.

"That's fine. That's a really good idea, actually." Lenalee smiled, clearly pleased, and Allen couldn't help but smile back. Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around? He smiled for her. But then, she had never liked that. No, that wasn't true, she just saw past the fake ones.

"What color do you want?" she asked conversationally, adding what looked to be a small medical kit (ah, that's where the tape and gauze came from) to their pile of supplies, which seemed to have grown a little. Allen considered the question a moment, trying to wrap his mind around the idea of changing his hair color to… well, any color. It was weird to think about. "Allen?"

"Brown," he answered automatically. Lenalee nodded, retying their things together. She glanced up at him, as if trying to picture it.

"I think that that will look nice." The little contemplative smile when she said it made something in Allen's chest clench, and he hurriedly looked away.

_Stop it._

It was going to get one, or maybe both of them killed.

"_What would you say if I told you—"_

Don't tell me.

"_That you're going to kill someone you love?"_

He loved a lot of someones. Every human and every akuma, for starters. Mana, perhaps even grudgingly Master, everyone at the Order from the Science Department to the Finders, to the Exorcists. That was love, wasn't it?

But this was different, in a way he couldn't or doesn't dare to place. He had known that it was a bad idea. And that was why it was impossible to concentrate his anger on the Noah lurking in his mind; he had_ known_ that it was a bad idea.

But just knowing wasn't enough. And somehow, here he was, with her, about to embark on a dual journey. And he knew that it was a bad idea, but she beckoned him, and he followed her anyway.

* * *

_AN: Hey guys, sorry for the major slowatus. I can't promise that it's over yet, but I will try to post more frequently and be sidetracked by other things less often. I do want to assure you that I am not going to abandon this fic at any point; it may take forever, but I will finish it. Eventually. Thanks to the awesome reviewers who guilted me into writing, this chapter especially goes to _Unsawr _for making me feel like an awful person for not updating and basically forcing me to churn out the majority of this chapter through sheer over-the-top flattery. My ego is easily stroked, my guilt easily incurred. _

_Lord, it took me over 4000 words to get them out of the house. Settle in for a loooong fic._


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